[page 193:] |
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{{1840-01:
}}
 ABOUT twelve o'clock, one sultry
night, in the month of August, and during the chivalrous reign of the
third
Edward, two seamen belonging to the crew of the "Free and Easy," a
trading
schooner plying between Sluys and the Thames {{1840-01:
, and then at // 1842-02: [[.]] It was at }}
anchor in
that
river, were much astonished to find themselves seated in the {{1840-01: tap-room // 1842-02: room }}
of
an ale-house in the parish of St. Andrews, London — which ale-house
bore
for sign the portraiture of a "Jolly Tar." The room, it is needless to say,
although
ill-contrived,
smoke-blackened, low-pitched, and in every other respect agreeing with
the general character of such places at the period — was, nevertheless,
in the opinion of the grotesque groups scattered here and there within
it, sufficiently well adapted for its purpose. [page 194:] Of these groups our two seamen
formed, I think,
the
most interesting, if not the most conspicuous. The one who appeared to be the elder,
and whom
his
companion addressed by the characteristic appellation of "Legs," was
also
much the {{1840-01: most // 1842-02:
more }} ill-favored, and, at the same time, much the
taller of
the
two. He might have measured six feet nine inches, and an habitual stoop
in the shoulders seemed to have been the necessary consequence of an
altitude
so enormous. Superfluities in height were, however, more than accounted
for by deficiencies in other respects. He was exceedingly, wofully,
awfully
thin {{1840-01: ; // 1842-02: , }}
and might, as his associates asserted, have answered, when sober,
for a pennant at the mast-head, or, when stiff with liquor, have served
for a jib-boom. But these jests, and others of a similar nature, had
evidently
produced, at no time, any effect upon the leaden muscles of the tar.
With
high cheek-bones, a large hawk-nose, retreating chin, fallen under-jaw,
and huge protruding white eyes, the expression of his countenance,
although
tinged with a species of dogged indifference to matters and things in
general,
was not the less utterly solemn and serious beyond all attempts at
imitation
or description. The younger seaman was, in all
outward
appearance,
the {{1840-01: antipodes // 1842-02:
converse }} of his companion. His stature could not have
exceeded
four
feet. A pair of stumpy bow-legs supported his squat, unwieldy figure,
while
his unusually short and thick arms, with no ordinary fists at their
extremities,
swung off [page 195:] dangling from his sides like
the fins of a sea-turtle. Small eyes, of no particular color, twinkled
far back in his head. His nose remained buried in the mass of flesh
which
enveloped his round, full, and purple face; and his thick upper-lip
rested
upon the still thicker one beneath with an air of complacent
self-satisfaction,
much heightened by the owner's habit of licking them at intervals. He
evidently
regarded his tall ship-mate with a feeling half-wondrous,
half-quizzical;
and stared up occasionally in his face as the red setting sun stares up
at the crags of Ben Nevis. Various and eventful, however, had
been the
peregrinations
of the worthy couple in and about the different tap-houses of the
neighborhood
during the earlier hours of the night. Funds even the most ample, are
not
always everlasting: and it was with empty pockets our friends had
ventured
upon the present {{1840-01: hostelrie //
1842-02: hostel }} . At the precise period, then, when
this history
properly
commences, Legs, and his fellow Hugh Tarpaulin, sat, each with both
elbows
resting upon the large oaken table in the middle of the floor, and with
a hand upon either cheek. They were eyeing, from behind a huge flagon
of
unpaid-for "humming-stuff," the portentous words "No Chalk," which to
their indignation and astonishment were scored over the doorway by
means
of that very mineral whose presence they purported to deny. Not that
the
gift of decyphering written characters — a gift among the commonalty of
that day considered little less [page 196:]
cabalistical
than the art of inditing {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: ; }} could, in strict justice, have been
laid to
the charge of either disciple of the sea; but there was, to say the
truth,
a certain twist in the formation of the letters {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: ; }} an indescribable
lee-lurch
about the whole {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: , }} which foreboded, in the opinion of
both seamen, a
long
run of dirty weather; and determined them at once, in the pithy words
of
Legs himself, to "pump ship, clew up all sail, and scud before the
wind." Having accordingly {{1840-01:
drank up // 1842-02: disposed of }} what
remained of the
ale, and looped up the points of their short doublets, they finally
made
a bolt for the street. Although Tarpaulin rolled twice into the
fire-place,
mistaking it for the door, yet their escape was at length happily
effected {{1840-01: — // 1842-02:
; }} and half after twelve o'clock found our heroes ripe
for mischief, and
running for life down a dark alley in the direction of St. Andrew's
Stair,
hotly pursued by the landlord and landlady of the "Jolly Tar." At the epoch of this eventful tale, {{1840-01:
and
periodically, }}
for many years before and after, all England, but more especially the
metropolis,
resounded with the fearful cry of {{1840-01:
"Pest!" // 1842-02: Plague [[!]] }} The city was
in a great
measure
depopulated {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: ; }} and in those horrible regions, in the
vicinity of the
Thames,
where amid the dark, narrow, and filthy lanes and alleys, the Demon of
Disease was supposed to have had his nativity, {{1840-01:
awe, terror, and
superstition // 1842-02: Awe, Terror, Supersition }}
were alone to be found stalking abroad. By authority of the king such
districts were
placed under ban, and all persons forbidden, under pain of [page
197:] death, to intrude upon their dismal solitude. Yet
neither
the mandate of the monarch, nor the huge barriers erected at the
entrances
of the streets, nor the prospect of that loathsome death which, with
almost
absolute certainty, overwhelmed the wretch whom no peril could deter
from
the adventure, prevented the unfurnished and untenanted dwellings from
being stripped, by the hand of nightly rapine, of every article, such
as
iron, brass, or lead-work, which could in any manner be turned to a
profitable
account. Above all, it was usually found, upon
the annual
winter opening of the barriers, that locks, bolts, and secret cellars,
had proved but slender protection to those rich stores of wines and
liquors
which, in consideration of the risk and trouble of removal, many of the
numerous dealers having shops in the neighborhood had consented to
trust,
during the period of exile, to so insufficient a security. But there were very few of the
terror-stricken
people
who attributed these doings to the agency of human hands. Pest-spirits,
Plague-goblins, and Fever-demons, were the popular imps of mischief;
and
tales so blood-chilling were hourly told, that the whole mass of
forbidden
buildings {{1840-01: was // 1842-02:
were }} , at length, enveloped in terror as in a shroud,
and the
plunderer
himself was often scared away by the horrors his own depredations had
created;
leaving the entire vast circuit of prohibited district to gloom,
silence,
pestilence, and death. It was by one of these terrific
barriers already [page 198:] mentioned, and which
indicated the
region
beyond to be under the Pest-ban, that, in scrambling down an alley,
Legs
and the worthy Hugh Tarpaulin found their progress suddenly impeded. To
return was out of the question, and no time was to be lost, as their
pursuers
were close upon their heels. With thorough-bred seamen to clamber up
the
roughly fashioned plank-work was a trifle; and, maddened with the
twofold
excitement of exercise and liquor, they leaped {{1840-01:
unhesitatingly }} down {{1840-01:
within }} the enclosure, and holding on their
drunken course with shouts and
yellings,
were soon bewildered in its noisome and intricate recesses. Had they not {{1840-01: ,
indeed, }} been
intoxicated {{1842-02: ; }}
beyond all
sense of human feelings, their reeling footsteps must have been palsied
by the horrors of their situation. The air was damp, cold and misty.
The
paving-stones, loosened from their beds, lay in wild disorder amid the
tall, rank grass, which sprang up hideously around the feet and ankles.
Rubbish of fallen houses choked up the streets. The most fetid and
poisonous
smells every where prevailed {{1840-01: —
// 1842-02: ; }} and by the
occasional aid of that
ghastly
and uncertain light which, even at midnight, never fails to emanate
from a {{1840-01: vapory and }}
pestilential atmosphere, might be discerned lying in the
by-paths
and alleys, or rotting in the windowless habitations, the {{1840-01: carcass // 1842-02: carcas }}
of
many
a nocturnal plunderer arrested by the hand of the plague in the very
perpetration
of his robbery. But it lay not in the power of
images, or
sensations,
or impediments like these, to stay the course of men [page
199:]
who, naturally brave, and at that time especially, brimful of courage
and
of "humming-stuff," would have reeled, as straight as their condition
might
have permitted, undauntedly into the very jaws of the arch-angel Death.
Onward — still onward stalked the gigantic Legs, making the desolate
solemnity
echo and re-echo with yells like the {{1840-01:
terrific }} war-whoop of the Indian:
and onward — still onward rolled the dumpy Tarpaulin, hanging on to the
doublet of his more active companion, and far surpassing the latter's
most
strenuous exertions in the way of vocal music, by bull-roarings in
basso,
from the profundity of his {{1840-01:
stentorian // 1842-02: Stentorian }} lungs. They had now evidently reached the
strong hold of
the pestilence. Their way at every step or plunge grew more noisome and
more horrible — the paths more narrow and more intricate. Huge stones
and
beams falling momently from the decaying roofs above them, gave
evidence,
by their sullen and heavy descent, of the vast height of the
surrounding {{1840-01: buildings //
1842-02: houses }} , while actual exertion became
necessary to force a passage
through
frequent heaps of putrid human corpses.* Suddenly, as the seamen stumbled
against the
entrance
of a gigantic and ghastly-looking building, a yell more than usually
shrill
from the throat of the excited Legs, was replied to from within in a
rapid
succession of wild, laughter-like, and fiendish shrieks. [page
200:] Nothing daunted at sounds which, of such a nature, at
such a time, and in such a place, might have curdled the very blood in
hearts less irrecoverably on fire, the drunken couple burst open the
pannels
of the door, and staggered into the midst of things with a volley of
curses.
It is not to be supposed, however, that the scene which here presented
itself to the eyes of the gallant Legs and worthy Tarpaulin, produced
at
first sight any other effect upon their illuminated faculties than an
overwhelming
sensation of {{1840-01: stupid
astonishment // 1842-02: surprise }} . The room within which they found
themselves
proved
to be the shop of an undertaker {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: ; }} but an open trap-door, in a
corner of
the floor near the entrance, looked down upon a long range of
wine-cellars, {{1840-01: whose //
1842-02: from the }} depths {{1842-02:
of which }} the occasional sounds of bursting bottles
proclaimed to be
well stored with their appropriate contents. In the middle of the room
stood a table — in the centre of which again arose a huge tub of what
appeared
to be punch. Bottles of various wines and cordials, together with
grotesque
jugs, pitchers, and flagons of every shape and quality, were scattered
profusely upon the board. Around it, upon coffin-tressels, was seated a
company of six {{1840-01: — this //
1842-02: . This }} company I will endeavor to
delineate one by one. Fronting the entrance, and elevated a
little
above
his companions, sat a personage who appeared to be the president of the
table. His stature was gaunt and tall, and Legs was confounded to
behold
in him a figure more emaciated than himself. His face was {{1840-01: yellower than
the yellowest // 1842-02: as yellow as }}
saffron {{1840-01: — // 1842-02:
; }} but no feature [page 201:]
of his visage, excepting one alone, was sufficiently marked to merit a
particular description. This one consisted in a forehead so unusually
and
hideously lofty, as to have the appearance of a bonnet or crown of
flesh
superseded upon the natural head. His mouth was puckered and dimpled
into
a singular expression of ghastly affability, and his eyes, as indeed
the
eyes of all at table, were glazed over with the fumes of intoxication.
This gentleman was clothed from head to foot in a richly embroidered
black
silk-velvet pall {{1842-02: , }}
wrapped negligently around his form after the fashion
of a Spanish cloak. His head was stuck all full of tall sable
hearse-plumes,
which he nodded to and fro with a jaunty and knowing air, and, in his
right
hand, he held a huge human thigh-bone, with which he appeared to have
been
just knocking down some member of the company for a song. Opposite him, and with her back to
the door, was
a lady of no whit the less extraordinary character. Although quite as
tall
as the person who has just been described, she had no right to complain
of his unnatural emaciation. She was evidently in the last stage of a
dropsy;
and her figure resembled nearly {{1842-02:
, }} in outline {{1840-01:
the shapeless proportions of // 1842-02: , }}
the huge puncheon of
October beer which stood, with the head driven in,
close by her side, in a corner of the chamber. Her face was exceedingly
round, red, and full {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: ; }} and the same peculiarity, or rather
want of
peculiarity,
attached itself to her countenance, which I before mentioned in the
case
of the president — that [page 202:] is to say,
only
one feature of her face was sufficiently distinguished to need a
separate
characterization: indeed, the acute Tarpaulin immediately observed that
the same remark might have applied to each individual person of the
party;
every one of whom seemed to possess a monopoly of some particular
portion
of physiognomy. With the lady in question this portion proved to be the
mouth. Commencing at the right ear, it swept with a terrific chasm to
the
left — the short pendants which she wore in either auricle continually
bobbing into the aperture. She made, however, every exertion to keep
her
jaws closed and looked dignified, in a dress consisting of a newly
starched
and ironed shroud coming up close under her chin, with a crimped ruffle
of cambric muslin. At her right hand sat a diminutive
young lady
whom
she appeared to patronise. This delicate little creature, in the
trembling
of her wasted fingers, in the livid hue of her lips, and in the slight
hectic spot which tinged her otherwise leaden complexion, gave evident
indications of a galloping consumption. An air of extreme haut ton,
however, pervaded her whole appearance {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: ; }} she wore, in a graceful and degagé
manner, a large and beautiful winding-sheet of the finest India lawn {{1840-01: — // 1842-02: ; }}
her hair hung in ringlets over her neck {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: ; }} a soft smile played about her
mouth {{1840-01: — // 1842-02: ; }}
but her nose, extremely long, thin, sinuous, flexible, and
pimpled,
hung down far below her under lip, and in spite of the delicate manner
in which she now and [page 203:] then moved it to
one
side or the other with her tongue, gave an expression rather doubtful
to
her countenance. Over against her, and upon the left
of the
dropsical
lady, was seated a little puffy, wheezing, and gouty old man, whose
cheeks
hung down upon the shoulders of their owner, like two huge bladders of
Oporto wine. With his arms folded, and with one bandaged leg cocked up
against the table, he seemed to think himself entitled to some
consideration.
He evidently prided himself much upon every inch of his personal
appearance,
but took more especial delight in calling attention to his
gaudy-colored
surcoat. This, to say the truth, must have cost no little money, and
was
made to fit him exceedingly well — being fashioned from one of the
curiously
embroidered silken covers appertaining to those glorious escutcheons
which,
in England and elsewhere, are customarily hung up in some conspicuous
place
upon the dwellings of departed aristocracy. Next to him, and at the right hand of
the
president,
was a gentleman in long white hose and cotton drawers. His frame shook,
in a ludicrous manner, with a fit of what Tarpaulin called "the
horrors."
His jaws, which had been newly shaved, were tightly tied up by a
bandage
of muslin; and his arms being fastened in a similar way at the wrists,
prevented him from helping himself too freely to the liquors upon the
table;
a precaution rendered necessary, in the opinion of Legs, by the
peculiarly
sottish and wine-bibbing cast of his visage. A pair of prodigious [page
204:] ears, nevertheless, which it was no doubt found
impossible
to confine, towered away into the atmosphere of the apartment, and were
occasionally pricked up, or depressed, as the sounds of bursting
bottles
increased, or died away, in the cellars underneath. Fronting him, sixthly and lastly, was
situated a
singularly stiff-looking personage, who, being afflicted with
paralysis,
must, to speak seriously, have felt very ill at ease in his
unaccommodating
habiliments. He was habited, somewhat uniquely, in a new and handsome
mahogany
coffin. The top or head-piece {{1840-01:
of the coffin }} pressed upon the skull of
the
wearer, and extended over it in the fashion of a hood, giving to the
entire
face an air of indescribable interest. Armholes had been cut in the
sides,
for the sake not {{1840-01: more of //
1842-02: for }} elegance {{1840-01:
than of // 1842-02: but for }} convenience {{1840-01: — but // 1842-02: ; }}
the dress,
nevertheless, prevented its proprietor from sitting as erect as his
associates;
and as he lay reclining against his tressel, at an angle of forty-five
degrees, a pair of huge goggle eyes rolled up their {{1840-01: awful }} whites
towards
the ceiling in absolute amazement at their own enormity. Before each of the party lay a
portion of a
skull,
which was used as a drinking cup. Overhead was suspended an enormous
human
skeleton, by means of a rope tied round one of the legs and fastened to
a ring in the ceiling. The other limb, confined by no such fetter,
stuck
off from the body at right angles, causing the whole loose and rattling
frame to dangle and twirl about in a singular manner, at the caprice of
every occasional puff of wind which [page 205:]
found
its way into the apartment. In the cranium of this hideous thing lay a
quantity of ignited and glowing charcoal, which threw a fitful but
vivid
light over the entire scene; while coffins, and other wares
appertaining
to the shop of an undertaker, were piled high up around the room, and
against
the windows, preventing any straggling ray from escaping into the
street. It has been before hinted that at
sight of this
extraordinary
assembly, and of their still more extraordinary paraphernalia, our two
seamen did not conduct themselves with that proper degree of decorum
which
might have been expected. Legs, having leant himself back against the
wall,
near which he happened to be standing, dropped his lower jaw still
lower
than usual, and spread open his eyes to their fullest extent: while
Hugh
Tarpaulin, stooping down so as to bring his nose upon a level with the
table, and spreading out a palm upon either knee, burst into a long,
loud,
and obstreperous roar of very ill-timed and immoderate laughter. Without, however, taking offence at
behavior so
excessively
rude, the tall president smiled very graciously upon the intruders —
nodded
to them in a dignified manner with his head of sable plumes — and,
arising,
took each by an arm, and led him to a seat which some others of the
company
had placed in the meantime for his accommodation. Legs to all this
offered
not the slightest resistance, but sat down as he was directed {{1840-01: — // 1842-02: ; }}
while
the
gallant Hugh, removing his coffin-tressel from its station [page
206:] near the head of the table, to the vicinity of the
little
consumptive lady in the winding-sheet, plumped down by her side in high
glee, and, pouring out a skull of red wine, drank it off to their
better
acquaintance. But at this presumption the stiff gentleman in the coffin
seemed exceedingly nettled; and serious consequences might have ensued,
had not the president, rapping upon the table with his truncheon,
diverted
the attention of all present to the following speech: "It becomes our duty upon the present
happy
occasion"
——— "Avast there!" — interrupted Legs,
looking very
serious
— "avast there a bit, I say, and tell us who the devil ye all are, and
what business ye have here, rigged off like the foul fiends, and
swilling
the snug 'blue ruin' stowed away for the winter by my honest shipmate {{1842-02: , }}
Will
Wimble {{1842-02: , }} the
undertaker!" At this unpardonable piece of
ill-breeding, all
the
original company half started to their feet, and uttered the same rapid
succession of wild fiendish shrieks which had before caught the
attention
of the seamen. The president, however, was the first to recover his
composure,
and at length, turning to Legs with great dignity, recommenced: "Most willingly will we gratify any
reasonable
curiosity
on the part of guests so illustrious, unbidden though they be. Know
then
that in these dominions I am monarch, and here rule with undivided
empire
under the title of 'King Pest the First.' "This apartment which you no doubt
profanely [page
207:] suppose to be the shop of Will Wimble the undertaker —
a man whom we know not, and whose plebeian appellation has never before
this night thwarted our royal ears — this apartment, I say, is the
Dais-Chamber
of our Palace, devoted to the councils of our kingdom, and to other
sacred
and lofty purposes. "The noble lady who sits opposite is
Queen Pest, {{1840-01: and }}
our Serene Consort. The other exalted personages whom you behold
are
all of our family, and wear the insignia of the blood royal under the
respective
titles of 'His Grace the Arch Duke Pest-Iferous' — 'His Grace the Duke
Pest-Ilential' — 'His Grace the Duke Tem-Pest' — and 'Her Serene
Highness
the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest.' "As regards" — continued he — "your
demand of the
business upon which we sit here in council, we might be pardoned for
replying
that it concerns, and concerns alone, our own private and regal
interest, and is in no manner important to any other than ourself. But
in consideration of those rights to which as guests and strangers you
may
feel yourselves entitled, we will furthermore explain that we are here
this night, prepared by deep research and accurate investigation, to
examine,
analyze, and thoroughly determine the indefinable spirit — the
incomprehensible
qualities and nare — of those inestimable treasures of the palate, the
wines, ales, and liqueurs of this goodly metropolis: by so doing to
advance
not more our own designs than the true welfare of that unearthly
sovereign
whose reign is [page 208:] over us all {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: , }} whose
dominions
are unlimited {{1840-01: — // 1842-02:
, }} and whose name is 'Death.' " "Whose name is Davy Jones!" {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: , }}
ejaculated
Tarpaulin,
helping the lady by his side to a skull of liqueur, and pouring out a
second
for himself. "Profane varlet!" {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: , }} said the
president, now
turning
his attention to the worthy Hugh {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: , }} "profane and execrable
wretch! — we
have said, that in consideration of those rights which, even in {{1840-01: thy // 1842-02: your }}
filthy
person, we feel no inclination to violate, we have condescended to make
reply to your rude and unseasonable inquiries. We, nevertheless, for
your
unhallowed intrusion upon our councils, believe it our duty to mulct
you
and your companion in each a gallon of Black Strap {{1840-01: — // 1842-02: ; }}
having imbibed
which
to the prosperity of our kingdom {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: , }} at a single draught {{1840-01: — // 1842-02: , }}
and upon your
bended knees {{1840-01: — // 1842-02:
, }} you shall be forthwith free either to proceed upon
your
way, or remain and be admitted to the privileges of our table,
according
to your respective and individual pleasures." "It would be a matter of utter
unpossibility" {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: , }}
replied
Legs, whom the assumptions and dignity of King Pest the First had
evidently
inspired with some feelings of respect, and who arose and steadied
himself
by the table as he spoke {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: , }} "it would, please your majesty, be a
matter
of utter unpossibility to stow away in my hold even one-fourth of that
same liquor which your majesty has just mentioned. To say nothing of
the
stuffs placed on board in the forenoon by way of ballast, and not to
mention
the [page 209:] various ales and liqueurs shipped
this
evening at different sea-ports, I am, at present, full up to the throat
of 'humming-stuff' taken in and duly paid for at the sign of the 'Jolly
Tar.' You will, therefore, please your majesty, be so good as take the
will for the deed {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: ; }} for by no manner of means either can I
or will I
swallow
another drop — least of all a drop of that villanous bilge-water that
answers
to the hail of 'Black Strap.' " "Belay that!" {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: , }} interrupted
Tarpaulin, astonished
not more at the length of his companion's speech than at the nature of
his refusal — "Belay that you lubber! — and I say, Legs, none of your
palaver! My hull is still light, although I confess you
yourself seem to be a
little
top-heavy; and as for the matter of your share of the cargo, why rather
than raise a squall I would find stowage-room for it myself, but" —— "This proceeding" {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: , }} interposed the
president {{1840-01: — // 1842-02:
, }}
"is
by no means in accordance with the terms of the mulct or sentence,
which
is in its nature Median, and not to be altered or recalled. The
conditions
we have imposed must be fulfilled to the letter, and that without a
moment's
hesitation {{1840-01: — // 1842-02:
; }} in failure of which fulfilment we decree that you
do here
be tied neck and heels together, and duly drowned as rebels in yon
hogshead
of October beer!" "A sentence! — a sentence! — a
righteous and just
sentence! — a glorious decree! — a most worthy and upright, and holy
condemnation!" {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: , }} shouted the Pest family altogether.
The king elevated his forehead [page
210:] into innumerable wrinkles {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: ; }} the gouty little old man
puffed
like a pair of bellows {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: ; }} the lady of the winding sheet waved
her nose
to
and fro {{1840-01: — // 1842-02:
; }} the gentleman in the cotton drawers pricked up his
ears {{1840-01: — // 1842-02: ; }}
she
of the shroud gasped like a dying fish {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: ; }} and he of the coffin looked
stiff
and rolled up his eyes. "Ugh! ugh! ugh!" {{1840-01: —
// 1842-02: , }} chuckled Tarpaulin
without
heeding
the general excitation — "ugh! ugh! ugh! — ugh! ugh! ugh! ugh! — ugh!
ugh!
ugh! I was saying," {{1840-01: — }}
said he, "I was saying when Mr. King Pest poked
in
his marling-spike, that as for the matter of two or three gallons more
or less Black Strap, it was a trifle to a tight sea-boat like
myself {{1842-02: , }}
not
overstowed {{1840-01: — // 1842-02:
; }} but when it comes to drinking the health of the
Devil —
whom
God assoilzie — and going down upon my marrow bones to his ill-favored
majesty there, whom I know, as well as I know myself to be a sinner, to
be nobody in the whole world but Tim Hurlygurly, the stageplayer — why!
{{1840-01: its // 1842-02:
it's }} quite another guess sort of a thing, and utterly
and altogether
past
my comprehension." He was not allowed to finish this
speech in
tranquillity.
At the name of Tim Hurlygurly the whole assembly leaped from their
seats."Treason!" shouted his Majesty King Pest the First. "Treason!" said the little man with
the gout. "Treason!" screamed the Arch Duchess
Ana-Pest. [page
211:] "Treason!" muttered the gentleman
with his jaws
tied
up. "Treason!" growled he of the coffin. "Treason!" treason!" shrieked her
majesty of the
mouth; and, seizing by the hinder part of his breeches the unfortunate
Tarpaulin, who had just commenced pouring out for himself a skull of
liqueur,
she lifted him high up into the air, and dropped him without ceremony
into
the huge open puncheon of his beloved ale. Bobbing up and down, for a
few
seconds, like an apple in a bowl of toddy, he, at {{1840-01:
length // 1842-02: last }} , finally
disappeared
amid the whirlpool of foam which, in the already effervescent liquor,
his
struggles easily succeeded in creating. Not tamely {{1842-02: , }}
however {{1842-02: , }}
did the tall
seaman behold the
discomfiture of his companion. Jostling King Pest through the open
trap,
the valiant Legs slammed the door down upon him with an oath, and
strode
towards the centre of the room. Here {{1842-02:
, }} tearing down the huge skeleton
which
swung over the table, he laid it about him with so much energy and good
will, that, as the last glimpses of light died away within the
apartment,
he succeeded in knocking out the brains of the little gentleman with
the
gout. Rushing then with all his force against the fatal hogshead full
of
October ale and Hugh Tarpaulin, he rolled it over and over in an
instant.
Out burst a deluge of liquor so fierce — so impetuous — so overwhelming
— that the room was flooded from wall to wall — the loaded table was
overturned
— the tressels were thrown upon their backs {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: , }} the tub of punch into the [page
212:] fire-place {{1840-01:
— // 1842-02: , }} and the ladies
into
hysterics.
Jugs, pitchers, and carboys mingled promiscuously in the melée
{{1840-01: ,
and // 1842-02: while }} wicker flagons
encountered desperately with bottles of junk. Piles
of death-furniture floundered about. Skulls floated en masse {{1840-01: — // 1842-02: ; }}
hearse-plumes
nodded to escutcheons {{1840-01: — //
1842-02: ; }} the man with the horrors was drowned
upon the
spot {{1840-01: — // 1842-02: ; }}
the little stiff gentleman sailed off in his coffin {{1840-01: — // 1842-02: ; }}
and the
victorious
Legs, seizing by the waist the fat lady in the shroud, scudded out into
the street, followed {{1842-02: , }}
under easy sail {{1842-02: , }}
by the redoubtable Hugh Tarpaulin,
who, having sneezed three or four times, panted and puffed after him
with
the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest. |
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