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The System of Doctor Tarr and
Professor
Fether.
================================== By Edgar A. Poe. =============  During the autumn of
18—, while on a tour through the
extreme
Southern
provinces of France, my route led me within a few miles of a certain Maison
de Santé, or private Mad-House [[mad-house]], about which I
had heard much,
in Paris,
from
my medical friends. As I had never visited a place of the kind, I
thought
the opportunity too good to be lost; and so proposed to my travelling
companion
(a gentleman with whom I had made casual acquaintance, a few days
before)
that we should turn aside, for an hour or so, and look through the
establishment.
To this he objected; pleading haste, in the first place, and, in the
second,
a very usual horror at the sight of a lunatic. He begged me, however,
not
to let any mere courtesy {{1844-01a:
towards // 1844-01c: toward }} himself,
interfere
with the
gratification
of my curiosity, and said that he would ride on leisurely, so that I
might
overtake him during the day, or, at all events, during the next. As he
bade me good-bye, I bethought me that there might be some difficulty in
obtaining access to the premises, and mentioned my fears on this point.
He replied that, in fact, unless I had personal knowledge of the
superintendent,
Monsieur Maillard, or some credential in the way of a letter, a
difficulty
might be found to exist, as the regulations of these private mad-houses
were more rigid than the public hospital laws. For himself, he added,
he
had, some years since, made the acquaintance of Maillard, and would so
far assist me as to ride up to the door and
introduce me, although his
feelings on the subject of lunacy would not permit of his entering the
house. I thanked him, and, turning from the main-road, we
entered a
grass-grown
by-path, which, in half an hour, nearly lost itself in a dense forest,
clothing the base of a mountain. Through this dank and gloomy wood we
rode
some two miles, when the Maison de
Santé came in view.
It was a
fantastic château, much dilapidated, and indeed scarcely
tenantable through age
and
neglect. Its aspect inspired me with absolute dread, and, checking my
horse,
I half resolved to turn back. I soon, however, grew ashamed of my
weakness
and proceeded. As we rode up to the gateway, I perceived it
slightly
open, and the
visage of a man peering through. In an instant afterwards this man
came
forth, accosted my companion by name, shook him cordially by the hand,
and begged him to alight. It was Monsieur Maillard himself. He was a
portly,
fine-looking gentleman of the old school, with a polished manner, and a
certain air of gravity, dignity, and authority which was very
impressive. My friend, having presented me, mentioned my desire
to
inspect the
establishment,
and received Monsieur Maillard's assurance that he would show me all
attention,
now took leave, and I saw him no more. When he had gone, the superintendent ushered me into
a
small & exceedingly
neat parlor, containing, among other indications of refined taste, many
books, drawings, pots of flowers and musical instruments. A cheerful
fire
blazed upon the hearth. At a piano, singing an aria from Bellini, sat a
young and very beautiful woman, who, at my entrance, paused in her
song,
and received me with graceful courtesy. Her voice was low and her
whole
manner subdued. I thought, too, that I perceived the traces of sorrow
in
her countenance, which was excessively, although, to my taste, not
unpleasingly
pale. She was attired in deep mourning, and excited in my bosom a
feeling
of mingled respect, interest, and admiration. I had heard, at Paris, that the institution of Monsieur
Maillard was
managed upon what is vulgarly termed the "system of
soothing" — that
all
punishments were avoided — that even confinement
was seldom resorted
to — that the patients, while secretly watched, were left much apparent
liberty,
and that most of them were permitted [segment ?:] to roam about
the house and
grounds,
in the ordinary apparel of persons in right mind. Keeping these impressions in view, I was cautious in
what I said
before
the young lady; for I could not be sure that she was sane; and, in
fact,
there was {{1844-01c: a }}
certain restless brilliancy about her eyes which half led
me
to imagine she was not. I confined my remarks, therefore, to general
topics,
and to such as I thought would not be displeasing or exciting even to a
lunatic. She replied in a perfectly rational manner to all that I said;
and even her original observations were marked with the soundest good
sense;
but a long acquaintance with the metaphysics of mania, had
taught me to
put no faith in such evidence of sanity, and I continued to practice,
throughout
the interview, the caution with which I commenced it. Presently a smart footman in livery brought in a
tray
with fruit,
wine,
and other refreshments, of which I partook, the lady soon afterwards
leaving
the room. As she departed I turned my eyes, in an inquiring manner, {{1844-01a: towards // 1844-01c: toward
}} my host. "No", he said — "oh no; — a member of my family — my
niece, and a
most
accomplished woman." "I beg a thousand pardons for the suspicion", I
replied,
"but of
course
you will know how to {{1844-01a: pardon //
1844-03c: excuse }} me. The excellent administration
of your
affairs
here, is well understood in Paris, and I thought it just possible, you
know" ——"Yes, yes — say no more — or rather it is myself who
should thank
you for the commendable prudence you have displayed. We seldom find so
much of forethought in young men; and, more than once, some unhappy contre-temps
has occurred in consequence of thoughtlessness on the part of our
visitors.
While my former system was in operation, and my patients were permitted
the privilege of roaming to and fro at will, they were often aroused to
a dangerous phrenzy by injudicious persons who called to
inspect the
house.
Hence I was obliged to enforce a rigid system of exclusion; and none
obtained
access to the premises upon whose discretion I could not rely." "While your former system was in operation!",
I said,
repeating his
words; "do I understand you, then, to say that the "[[']]soothing
system"[[']]
of
which
I have heard so much, is no longer in force?" "It is now," he replied, "several weeks since we
have
concluded to
renounce
it forever." "Indeed! you astonish me!" "We found it, Sir," he said with a sigh,
"absolutely
necessary to
return
to the old usages. The danger of the soothing system was, at
all times,
appalling; and its advantages have been much over-rated. I believe,
Sir,
that in this house it has been given a fair trial, if ever in any. We
did
everything that rational humanity could suggest. I am sorry that you
could
not have paid us a visit, at an earlier period, that you might have
judged
for yourself. But I presume you are conversant with
the soothing
practice — with its details." "Not altogether. What I have heard has been at third
or
fourth
hand." "I may state the system then, in general terms, as
one
in which the
patients {{1844-01a: are // 1844-01c:
were }} menagés [[ménagés]],
humored. We contradicted no
fancies which entered
the brains of the mad. On the contrary, we not only indulged but
encouraged
them; and many of our most permanent cures have been thus effected.
There
is no argument which so touches the feeble reason of the madman as the argumentum
ad absurdum. We have had men, for example, who fancied
themselves
chickens. The cure was, to insist upon the thing as a fact — to accuse
the patient of stupidity in not sufficiently perceiving it to be a fact
— and thus to refuse him any other diet for a week than that which
properly
appertains to a chicken. In this manner a little corn and gravel were
made
to perform wonders." "But was this species of acquiescence all?" "By no means; we put much faith in amusements of a
simple kind, such
as music, dancing, gymnastic exercises generally, cards, certain
classes
of books, and so forth. We affected to treat each individual as if for
some ordinary physical disorder; and the word "[[']]lunacy"[[']] was
never
employed.
A great point was to set each lunatic to guard the actions of all the
others.
To repose confidence in the understanding, or discretion of a madman,
is
to gain him body and soul. In this way we were
enabled to dispense with
an expensive body of keepers." "And you had no punishments of any kind?" "None." "And you never confined your patients?" "Very rarely; now and then, the malady of some
individual growing to
a crisis, or taking a sudden turn of fury, we conveyed him to a secret
cell, lest his disorder should infect the rest, and there kept him
until
we could dismiss him to his friends; for with the raging maniac [segment
?:] we
have
nothing to do. He is usually removed to the public hospitals." "And you have now changed all this? and you think
for
the better?" "Decidedly; the system had its disadvantages, and
even
its dangers.
It is now, happily, exploded throughout all the maisons de
santé of
France." "I am very much surprised", I said, "at what you
tell
me; for I made
sure that, at this moment, no other method of treatment for mania
existed
in any portion of the country." "You are young yet, my friend," replied my host,
"but
the time will
arrive when you will learn to judge for yourself of what is going on in
the world, without trusting to the gossip of others. Believe nothing
you
hear and only one half that you see. Now, about our maisons de
santé,
it
is clear that some ignoramus has misled you. After dinner, however,
when
you have sufficiently recovered from the fatigue of your ride, I will
be
happy to take you over the house, and introduce to you a system which,
in my opinion, and in that of every one who has witnessed its
operation,
is incomparably the most effectual as yet devised.""Your own?" I inquired — "one of your own
invention?" "I am proud," he replied, "to acknowledge that it is
—
at least in
some measure." In this manner I conversed with Monsieur Maillard
for an
hour or
two,
during which he showed me the gardens and conservatories of the place.
"I cannot let you see my patients," he said, "just
at
present. To a
sensitive mind there is always more or less of the shocking in such
exhibitions;
and I do not wish to spoil your appetite for
dinner. We will dine — I
can
give you some veal à la St. Menehoult, with
cauliflowers
in velouté
sauce —
after that a glass of Clos de Vougeôt — then your
nerves
will be
sufficiently
steadied." At six, dinner was announced; and my host conducted
me
into a large salle à manger, where a very numerous
company
were assembled —
twenty-five
or thirty in all. They were, apparently, people of rank, certainly of
high
breeding; although their habiliments, I thought, were extravagantly
rich —
partaking somewhat too much of the ostentatious finery of the vielle
[[vieille]]
cour.
I noticed that at least two-thirds of these guests were ladies; and
some
of the latter were by no means accoutred in what a Parisian would
consider
good taste, at the present day. Many females, for example, whose age
could
not have been less than seventy, were bedecked with a profusion of
jewelry,
such as rings, bracelets and ear-rings, and wore their bosoms and arms
shamefully bare. I observed, too, that very few of the dresses were
well-made, or, at least, that very few of them fitted the wearers. In
looking
about, I discovered the interesting girl to whom Monsieur Maillard had
presented me in the little parlor; but my surprise was great to see her
wearing a hoop and farthingale, with high-heeled shoes, and a dirty cap
of Brussels lace, so much too large for her that it gave her face a
ridiculously
diminutive expression. When I had first seen her she was attired, most
becomingly, in deep mourning. There was an air of oddity, in short,
about
the dress of the whole party, which, at first, caused me to recur to my
original idea of the "soothing system". and to fancy that Monsieur
Maillard
had been willing to deceive me until after dinner, that I might
experience
no uncomfortable feelings during the repast, at finding myself dining
with
lunatics; but I remembered having been informed, in Paris, that the
southern
provincialists were a peculiarly eccentric people, with a vast number
of
antiquated notions; and then, too, upon conversing with several [segment
?:] members
of the company, my apprehensions were immediately and fully dispelled. The dining-room itself, although perhaps
sufficiently
comfortable,
and
of good dimensions, had nothing too much of elegance about it. For
example,
the floor was uncarpeted; — in France, however, a carpet is frequently
dispensed
with. The windows, too, were without curtains; the
shutters, being
shut,
were securely fastened with iron bars, applied diagonally, after the
fashion
of our ordinary shop-shutters. The apartment, I observed, formed, in
itself,
a wing of the chateau, and thus the windows were on three
sides
of the
parrallelogram [[parallelogram]]; the door being at the other. There
were no less than ten
windows in all. The table was superbly set out. It was loaded with
plate, and more
than
loaded with delicacies. The profusion was absolutely barbaric. There
were
meats enough to have feasted the Anakim. Never, in all my life, had I
witnessed
so lavish, so wasteful an expenditure of the good things of life. There
seemed very little taste, however, in the arrangements; and my eyes,
accustomed
to quiet lights, were sadly offended by the prodigious glare of a
multitude
of wax candles, which, in silver candelabra, were deposited
upon the
table,
and all about the room, wherever it was possible to find a place. There
were several active servants in attendance; and, upon a large table, at
the farther end of the apartment, were seated seven or eight people
with
fiddles, fifes, trombones and a drum. These fellows annoyed me very
much,
at intervals, during the repast, by an infinite variety of noises,
which
were intended for music, and which appeared to afford much
entertainment
to all present, with the exception of myself. Upon the whole, I could not help thinking that there
was
much of the bizarre about everything I saw; but then the
world
is made up of all
kinds of persons, with all modes of thought, and all sorts of
conventional
customs. I had travelled so much as to be quite an adept at the nil
admirari; so I took my seat very cooly [[coolly]] at the
right hand of my
host,
and, having an excellent appetite, did justice to the good cheer set
before
me. The conversation, in the meantime, was spirited and
general. The
ladies,
as usual, talked a great deal. I soon found that nearly all the company
were well-educated; and my host was a world of good-humoured anecdote
in
himself. He seemed quite willing to speak of his position as
superintendent
of a maison
de santé; and indeed the topic of lunacy was, much to my
surprise, a favorite one with all present. A great many amusing stories
were told, having reference to the whims of the patients. "We had a fellow here once", said a fat little
gentleman who sat at
my right — "a fellow that fancied himself a tea-pot; and, by the way,
is it not especially singular how often this particular crotchet has
entered
the brain of the lunatic? There is scarcely an insane asylum in France
which cannot supply a human tea-pot. Our gentleman was a
Britania-ware [[Britannia-ware]]
tea-pot, and was careful to polish himself every morning with buckskin
and whiting. {{1844-01a: He held his left
arm, generally, extended thus, at right angles from his body; this was
the spout. His right rested a-kimbo upon the hip; this was the handle. }}
" "And then," said a tall man, just opposite, "we had
here,
not long
ago,
a person who had taken it into his head that he was a donkey — which,
allegorically
speaking, you will say, was quite true. He was a troublesome patient;
and
we had much ado to keep him within bounds. For a long time he would eat
nothing but thistles; but of this idea we soon cured him by insisting
upon
his eating nothing else. Then he was perpetually kicking out his
heels — so — so" —"Mr De Kock! I will thank you to behave
yourself!"
here
interrupted
an old lady who sat next to the speaker. "Please
keep your feet to
yourself!
You have spoilt my brocade {{1844-01a:
and broken my shins }} ! Is it necessary, pray, to
illustrate a
remark
in so practical a style? Our friend, here, can surely comprehend you,
without
all this. Upon my word, you are nearly as great a donkey as the poor
unfortunate
imagined himself. Your acting is very natural, as I live." "Mille pardons! Ma'mselle," replied Monsieur
De
Kock
thus
addressed — "a thousand pardons! I had no intention of {{1844-01a: breaking your shins // 1844-01b:
offending }}
. {{1844-01a: "Of this I am sure", cried
our host, who seemed a man of much
amiability. "Monsieur De Kock would never willingly have broken the
shins of Ma'mselle Laplace. }} Ma'mselle
Laplace — Monsieur De Kock will do himself the honor of taking wine
with you." — Here Monsieur De Kock bowed low, kissed his hand
with
much ceremony,
and took wine with Ma'mselle Laplace. "Allow me, mon ami," now said Monsieur
Maillard,
addressing myself,
"allow me to send you a morsel of this veal à la St.
Menehoult —
you
will
find it particularly fine." At this instant three sturdy waiters had
just
succeeded
in
depositing
safely upon the table, an enormous dish, or trencher, containing what I
supposed to be the "monstrum, horrendum, informe,
ingens, cui lumen
ademptum."
A closer scrutiny assured me, however, that it was only a small calf
roasted
whole, and set upon its knees, with an apple in its
mouth, as is the
English
fashion of dressing a hare. "Thank you no"; I replied — "to say the truth, I am
not
particularly
partial to veal à la St. — what is it? — for
I do not
find that
it
altogether
agrees with me. I will change my plate, however, and try some of the
rabbit." — There were several side-dishes, on the table,
containing
what
appeared
to be the ordinary French rabbit — a very delicious morceau,
which I
can
recommend. "Pierre," cried the host, "change this gentleman's
plate, and give
him
a side[[-]]piece of this rabbit au-chât." "This what?" — said I. "This rabbit au-chât." "Why, thank you; upon second thoughts, no; I will
just
help myself
to some of the ham." There is no knowing what one eats, thought I to
myself,
at the
tables
of these people of the province. I will have none of their rabbit au-chât
— and, for the matter of that, none
of their cat-au-rabbit
either. "And then," said a cadaverous looking [segment ?:]
personage
near
the foot of
the
table, taking up the thread of the conversation where it had been
broken
off — "And then, among other oddities, we had a patient, once upon a
time, who very pertinaciously maintained himself to be a Cordova
cheese,
and went about, with a knife in his hand, soliciting his friends to try
a small slice from the middle of his leg." "He was a great fool, beyond doubt", interposed some
one, "but not
to
be compared with a certain individual whom we all know, with the
exception
of this strange gentleman. I mean the man who took himself for a bottle
of champagne, and always went off with a pop and a fizz, in this
fashion" — Here the speaker, very rudely as I thought, put his
right thumb in
his left cheek, withdrew it with a sound resembling
the popping of a
cork,
and then, by a dexterous movement of the tongue upon the teeth, created
a sharp hissing and fizzing, which lasted for several minutes, in
imitation
of the frothing of champagne. {{1844-01a:
" }} This behavior, I saw plainly, was not
very
pleasing to Monsieur Maillard; but that gentleman said nothing, and the
conversation [segment ?:] was resumed by a very lean little man
in a big wig."And then there was an ignoramus", said he, "who
mistook
himself for [segment ?:]
a frog; which by the way, he resembled in no little degree. I wish you
could have seen him, Sir" — here the speaker addressed myself — "it
would have done your heart good to see the natural airs that he put on.
Sir, if that man was not a frog, I can only observe that it is
a pity
he
was not. His croak thus — oooogh — oooogh! was the finest
note
in the world, B flat; and when he put his elbows upon the table, thus —
after taking a glass or two of wine — and distended his mouth,
thus,
and rolled up his eyes, thus, and winked them, with excessive rapidity,
thus, why then, Sir, I take it upon myself to say, positively, that you
would have been lost in admiration of the genius of the man." "I have no doubt of it", I said. "And then {{1844-01a: ", said
somebody else" }} , then there was
Petit
Gaillard, who
thought himself a pinch of snuff, and was truly distressed because he
could
not take himself between his own finger and thumb." "And then {{1844-01a: ", said
somebody else, "then // 1844-01c: " }} there was
Jules Desoulières, who
was a
very
singular
genius,
indeed, and went mad with the idea that he was a pumpkin. He persecuted
the cook to make him up into pies — a thing which the cook indignantly
refused to do. For my part, I am by no means sure that a pumpkin pie, à
la Desoulières, would not have been very capital eating {{1844-01a: " }}
indeed." "You astonish me!" said I; and I looked
inquisitively at
Monsieur
Maillard. "Ha! ha! ha!", said that gentleman — "he! he! he! —
hi!
hi! hi! —
ho! ho! ho! — hu! hu! hu! — very good indeed! You must not be
astonished, mon ami; our friend here is a wit — a drôle
— you must not understand
him to the letter." "And then," said some other one of the party, "then
there was
Bouffon
Le Grand — another extraordinary personage in his way. He grew
deranged
through love, & fancied himself possessed of two heads. One of
these
he maintained to be the head of Cicero; the other he imagined a
composite
one, being Demosthenes' from the top of the forehead to the mouth, and
Lord Brougham from the mouth to the chin. It is not impossible that
he
was wrong; but he would have convinced you of his being in the right;
for
he was a man of great eloquence. He had an absolute passion for
oratory
and could not refrain from display. For example, he used to leap upon
the
dinner table thus, and — and" — Here a friend, at the side of the
speaker, put [segment ?:] a
hand
upon his
shoulder,
and whispered a few words in his ear; upon which he ceased talking with
great suddenness and sank back within his chair. "And then", said the friend who had whispered,
" {{1844-01a: and then // 1844-02c:
there }}
was Boullard,
the tee-totum. I call him the tee-totum, because, in fact, he was
seized
with the droll, but not altogether irrational crotchet, that he had
been
converted into a tee-totum. You would have roared with laughter to see
him spin. He would turn round upon one heel by the hour, in this manner
— so —" Here the friend whom he had just interrupted by a
whisper, performed
an exactly similar office for himself. "But then", cried the old lady, at the top of her
voice
"your
Monsieur
Boullard was a madman, and a very silly madman at best; for who, allow
me to ask you, ever heard of a human teetotum? The thing is absurd.
Madame
Joyeuse was a more sensible person, as you know. She had a crotchet,
but
it was instinct with common-sense, and gave pleasure to all who had the
honor of her acquaintance. [segment ?:] She found, upon mature
deliberation, that,
by
some accident, she had been turned into a chicken-cock; but, as
such,
she
behaved with propriety. She flapped her wings with prodigious effect —
so —
so — so — and, as for her crow, {{1844-01a: my
God, }} it was
delicious!
Cock-a-doodle-doo! —
cock-a-doodle-doo! —
cock-a-doodle-de-doo-dooo-doooo-do-o-o-o-o-o-o!" "Madame Joyeuse, I will thank you to behave
yourself!"
here
interrupted
our host, very angrily. [["]]You can either conduct yourself as a lady
should
do, or you can quit the table forthwith; take your choice." The lady, (whom I was much astonished to hear
addressed
as Madame
Joyeuse,
after the description of Madame Joyeuse she had just given,) blushed up
to the eye-brows, and seemed exceedingly abashed at the reproof. She
hung
down her head, and said not a sylable [[syllable]] in reply. But
another and
younger
lady resumed [segment ?:] the theme. It was my beautiful girl
of the little parlor!"Oh Madame Joyeuse was a fool," she
exclaimed; "but
there was
really
much sound sense, after all, in the opinion of Eugénie
Salsafette. She
was a very beautiful and painfully modest young lady, who thought the
ordinary
mode of habiliment indecent, and wished to dress herself, always, by
getting
outside, instead of inside of her clothes. It is a thing very easily
done,
after all. You have only to do so — and then so — so — so — and
then
so — so — — so — so — and then" ——"Mon dieu! Mam'selle Salsafette," here cried a
dozen
voices at
once,
"what are you about? — forbear! — that is sufficient! — we see,
very
plainly, how it is done! — hold! hold!" and several persons were
already
leaping from their seats to withold [[withhold]] Mam'selle Salsafette
from putting
herself upon a par with the Medicean Venus, when the point was very
effectually
and suddenly accomplished by a series of loud screams, or yells, from
some
portion of the main body of the chateau. My nerves were very much affected, indeed, by these
yells; but the
rest
of the company I really pitied. I never saw any set of reasonable
people
so thoroughly frightened in my life. They all grew as pale [segment
?:] as so many
corpses,
and, shrinking within their seats, sat quivering
and gibbering with
terror,
and listening for a repetition of the sound. It came again — louder
and
seemingly nearer — and then a third time very loud, and then a
fourth
time with a vigor evidently diminished. At this apparent dying away of
the noise, the spirits of the company, were immediately regained; and
all
was life and anecdote as before. I now ventured to inquire the cause of
the disturbance. "A mere bagatelle," said Monsieur Maillard.
"We are
used
to these
things,
and care really very little about them. The lunatics, every now and
then,
get up a howl in concert; one starting another, as is sometimes the
case
with a bevy of dogs [segment ?:] at night. It occasionally
happens, however, that
the concerto yells are succeeded by a simultaneous
effort at breaking
loose;
when, of course, some little danger is to be apprehended." "And how many have you in charge?" "At present, we have not more than ten, altogether." "Principally females, I presume.""Oh, no; every one of them men, and stout fellows,
too, I can tell
you." "Indeed! I have always understood that the majority
of
lunatics were
of the gentler sex." "It is generally so, but not always. Some time ago,
there were about
twenty-seven patients here; and, of that number, no less than eighteen
were women; but, lately, matters have changed very much, as you [segment
?:] see." "Yes; have changed very much, as you see," here
interrupted the
gentleman
who had broken the shins of Ma'mselle Laplace. "Yes; have changed very much, as you see." {{1844-01a: repeated the gentleman who had
attempted to get upon the table // 1844-01b: chimed
in
the whole
company
at once }} . {{1844-01a: "Yes; have changed very much, as you see", said also the
one who has wished to display his capacities as a tee-totum."Yes; have changed very much, as you see", said likewise
the person who imitated the bottle of champagne."Yes; have changed very much, as you see", said the man who
had played the frog."Yes; have changed very much, as you see", said the old
lady who had let up the cock-a-doodle-de-doo.}} "Hold your tongues, every one of you!" said my host,
in
a great
rage.
Whereupon the whole company maintained a dead silence for nearly a
minute.
As for {{1844-01a: the old cock-a-doodle //
1844-01b: one }} lady, she obeyed Monsieur Maillard
to the letter, and
thrusting
out her tongue, which was an excessively long one, held it very
resignedly,
with both hands, until the end of the entertainment. [segment ?:]"And this gentlewoman," said I to Monsieur
Maillard,
bending over
and
addressing him in a whisper — "this good lady who has just spoken, and
who gives us the cock-a-doodle-de-doo — she, I presume, is — harmless —
quite harmless, eh?" "Harmless!" ejaculated he, in unfeigned surprise —
"why — why what can you mean?" "Only slightly touched?" said I, touching my head.
"I
take it for
granted
that she is not particularly — not dangerously affected, eh?" "Mon dieu! what is it you imagine?
This lady, my
particular old
friend,
Madame Joyeuse, is as absolutely sane as myself. She has her little
eccentricities,
to be sure; but then, you know, all old women — all very old
women are more or less eccentric." "To be sure," said I — "to be sure; and then the
rest of these
ladies
and gentlemen —" "Are my friends and keepers," interupted Monsieur Maillard,
drawing
himself [segment ?:] up with hauteur — "my very good
friends and
assistants." "What! all of them?" I asked — "the women and all?""Assuredly;" he said, "we could not do at all
without
the women;
they are the best lunatic-nurses in the world; they have a way of their
own, you know; their bright eyes have a marvellous effect; — something
like the fascination of the snake, you know." "To
be sure", said I, "to be sure; They
behave a
little odd, eh? — they are a little queer, eh? — do n't
[[don't]] you
think so?" "Odd! — queer! — why, do you really think
so? — We are
not very
prudish,
to be sure, here in the South — do pretty much as we please — enjoy
life,
and all that sort of thing, you know" —"To be sure", said I, "to be sure." And then, perhaps, this Clos de Vougeôt
is a little
heady, you know — a little strong — you understand, eh?" "To be sure," said I, "to be sure. By the [segment ?:]
bye,
Monsieur, did I
understand
you to say that the system you have adopted, in place of the celebrated
soothing system, was one of very vigorous severity?" "By no means; our confinement is necessarily close;
but
the
treatment — the medical treatment, I mean — is rather agreeable to the
patients
than otherwise." "And the new system is one of your own invention?" "Not altogether; some portions of it are referrible
[[referable]]
to
Professor
Tarr,
of whom you have, necessarily, heard; and, again, there are
modifications
in my plan, which I am happy to acknowledge as belonging of right to
the
celebrated Fether, with [segment ?:] whom, if I mistake not,
you have the honor of
an
intimate acquaintance." "I am quite ashamed to confess," I replied, "that I
have
never even
heard the name of either gentleman before." "Good Heavens!" ejaculated my host, drawing back his
chair abruptly
and uplifting his hands. "I surely do not hear you aright! you did not
intend to say, eh? that you had never heard either of the
learned
Doctor
Tarr, or of the celebrated Professor Fether?" "I am forced to acknowledge my ignorance"[[,]] I
replied;
"but the truth
should be held inviolate above all things. {{1844-01a:
" }} Nevertheless, I feel humbled
to the dust, not to be acquainted with the works of these no doubt
extraordinary
men. I will seek out their writings forthwith, and peruse {{1844-01c: them }} with
deliberate
care. Monsieur Maillard, you have really — I must
confess it — you
have really made me ashamed of myself." And this was the fact. "Say no more, my good young friend", he said kindly,
pressing my
hand — "join me now in a glass of Sauterne." We drank; the company followed our example, without
stint; they
chatted; they jested; they laughed; they perpetrated a thousand
absurdities; the fiddles shrieked[[;]] the drum
row-de-dowed; the
trombones
bellowed
like so many brazen bulls of Phalaris; and the whole scene, growing
gradually
worse and worse, as the wines gained the ascendancy, became at length a
sort of Pandemonium in petto. In the meantime Monsieur
Maillard and
myself,
with some bottles of Sauterne and Vougeôt between us, continued
our
conversation
at the top of the voice. A word spoken in an ordinary key stood no more
chance of being heard than the voice of a fish from the bottom of
Niagra
Falls. "And Sir," said I, screaming in his ear, "you
mentioned
something,
before
dinner, about the danger incurred in the old system of soothing. How is
that?" [segment ?:]"Yes", he replied, "there was, occasionally, very
great
danger,
indeed.
There is no accounting for the caprices of madmen; and, in my opinion,
as
well as in that of Doctor Tarr and of Professor Fether, it is never
safe to
permit
them to run at large unattended. A lunatic may be "[[']]soothed,"[[']]
as it is
called,
for a time, but, in the end, he is very apt to become obstreperous. His
cunning, too, is proverbial, and great. If he has a project in view, he
conceals his design with a marvellous wisdom; and the dexterity with
which
he counterfeits sanity, presents, to the metaphysician, one of the most
singular problems in the study of mind. When a madman appears thoroughly
sane, indeed, it is high time to put him in a straight jacket." "But the danger, my dear Sir, of which you
were
speaking: "[[sic]] in your
own
experience — during your control of this house — have you had
practical
reason to think liberty hazardous, in the case of a lunatic?" "Here? in my own experience? — why, I may say,
yes.
For example: — no very long while ago, a
singular
circumstance occurred in this
very
house. The "[[']]soothing system,"[[']] you know, was then in
operation, and the
patients were at large. They behaved remarkably well — especially so —
any
one of sense might have known that some devilish scheme was brewing
from
that particular fact, that the fellows behaved so remarkably
well. And,
sure enough, one fine morning, the keepers found themselves pinioned
hand
and foot and thrown into the cells, where they were attended, as if they
were the lunatics, by the lunatics themselves, who had usurped the
offices
of the keepers." "You don't tell me so! I never heard of anything so
absurd in my
life." "Fact; it all came to pass by means of a stupid
fellow — a
lunatic — who, by some means, had taken it into his head that he had
invented
a better system of government than any ever heard of before; — of
lunatic
government [segment ?:] I mean. He wished to give his
invention a trial, I suppose;
and so he persuaded the rest of the patients to join him in a
conspiracy
for the overthrow of the reigning powers." "And he really succeeded?" "No doubt of it; the keepers and kept were soon made
to
exchange
places.
Not that, exactly, either; for the madmen had been free, but the
keepers
were shut up in cells forthwith, and treated, I am
sorry to say, in a
very
cavalier manner." "But I presume a counter revolution was soon
effected.
This
condition
of things could not have long existed. The country people in the
neighbourhood — visiters
coming to see the establishment — would have given the alarm." "There you are out. The head rebel was too cunning
for
that. He
admitted
no visiters at all — with the exception, one day, of a very
stupid-looking
young gentleman of whom he had no reason to be afraid. He let him in to
see the place — just by way of variety — to have a little fun with
him.
As soon as he had gammoned him sufficiently, he let him out, and sent
him
about his business." "And how long, then, did the madmen reign?" "Oh, a very long time, indeed — a month certainly —
how much
longer
I can't precisely say. In the meantime, the lunatics had
a jolly season
of it — that you may [segment ?:] swear. They doffed their own
shabby clothes, and
made free with the family wardrobe and jewels. The cellars of the chateau
were well stocked with wine; and these madmen are just the devils that
know how to drink it. They lived well, I can tell you." "And the treatment — what was the particular species
of
treatment
which
the leader of the rebels put into operation?" "Why, as for that, a madman is not necessarily a
fool,
as I have
already
observed; and it is my honest opinion that his treatment was a much
better
treatment than that which it superseded. It was a very capital system
indeed — simple — neat — no trouble at all — in fact it was delicious —
it
was" ——Here my host's observations were cut short by
another
series of
yells,
of the same character as those which had previously disconcerted us.
This
time, however, they seemed to proceed from persons rapidly approaching.
"Gracious Heavens!" I ejaculated — "the lunatics
have
most
undoubtedly
broken loose!" "I very much fear it is so," replied Monsieur
Maillard,
now becoming
excessively pale. He had scarcely finished the sentence, before loud
shouts
and imprecations were heard beneath the windows; and, immediately
afterwards,
it became evident that some persons outside were endeavoring to gain
entrance
into the room. The door was beaten with what appeared to be a
sledge-hammer;
and the shutters were wrenched and shaken with prodigious violence. A scene of the most terrible confusion ensued.
Monsieur
Maillard, to
my excessive astonishment, threw himself under the {{1844-01a: table // 1844-03c:
side-board }} : — I had
expected
more resolution at his hands. The members of the orchestra, who, for
the
last fifteen minutes, had been seemingly too much intoxicated to do
duty,
now sprang all at once to their feet and to their instruments, and,
scrambling
upon their table, broke out, with one accord, into "Yankee Doodle";
which
they performed, if not exactly in tune, at least with an energy
superhuman,
during the whole of the uproar.Meantime, upon the main dining table, among the
bottles
and glasses,
leaped the gentleman who, with such difficulty, had been restrained
from
leaping there before. As soon as he fairly settled
himself, he
commenced
an oration, which, no doubt, was a very capital one, if it could only
have
been heard. At the same moment, the man with the tee-totum
predilections
set himself to spinning around the apartment, with immense energy, and
with arms outstretched at right angles with his body; so that he had
all
the air of a tee-totum in fact, and knocked every body down that
happened
to get in his way. And now, too, hearing an incredible popping and
fizzing
of champagne, I discovered, at length, that it proceeded from the
person
who performed the bottle of that delicate drink during dinner. And,
then
again, the frog-man croaked away as if the salvation of his soul
depended
upon every note that he uttered. And, in the midst of {{1844-01a: all }} this, the
continuous
braying of a donkey arose over all. As for my old friend, Madame
Joyeuse,
I really could have wept for the poor lady, she appeared so terribly
perplexed.
All she did, however, was to stand up in a corner, by the fire-place,
and
sing out incessantly, at the top of her voice,
"Cock-a-doodle! — Cock-a-doodle-de-dooooooh!" And now came the climax — the catastrophe of the
drama.
As no
resistance,
beyond whooping and yelling and cock-a-doodle-ing, was offered to the
encroachments
of the party without, the ten windows were very speedily, and almost
simultaneously,
broken in; — but I shall never forget the emotions of wonder and horror
[segment
?:]
with
which I gazed, when, leaping through these windows, and down among us pele-mêle,
fighting, stamping, scratching, and howling, there rushed a {{1844-01c: perfect }}
army
of what I took to be Chimpanzees, Ourang-Outangs, or big black baboons
of the Cape of Good Hope! I received a terrible beating — after which I rolled
under a sofa
and
lay still. After lying there some fifteen minutes, however, during
which time I
listened, with all my ears, to what was going on in the room, I came to
some
satisfactory dénouement of this tragedy. Monsieur
Maillard, it
appeared,
in giving me the account of the lunatic who had excited his fellows to
rebellion, had been merely relating his own exploits. This gentleman
had,
indeed, some two or three years before, been the superintendent of the
establishment; but grew crazy himself, and so became a patient. This
fact
was unknown to the travelling companion who introduced me. The keepers {{1844-01c: ,
ten in number, }} having been suddenly overpowered,
were first well
tarred,
then carefully feathered, and then shut up in underground cells.
They
had been so imprisoned for more than a month, during [segment ?:]
which period
Monsieur
Maillard had generously allowed them not only the tar and feathers
(which
constituted his "system") but some bread, and abundance of water. The
latter
was pumped on them daily. At length, one escaping through a sewer, gave
freedom to all the rest. The "soothing system," with important modifications,
has
been
resumed
at the chateau; yet I cannot help agreeing with Monsieur
Maillard that
his own "treatment" was a very capital one of its kind. As he justly
observed,
it was "simple — neat — and gave no trouble at all " [[sic]] —
not the least." I have only to add that, although I have searched
every
library in
Europe
for the works of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether, I
have, up to the
present
day, utterly failed in my endeavours at procuring an edition. |
||