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[page 87:]
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A FEW WORDS ON ETIQUETTE.
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IT is a matter
of some slight
surprise to me that in these days, full of improvement as they have
been and certainly are, the science of etiquette should be
so
little cultivated by the mass of the people. I have, therefore, in an
idle
moment, ventured to lay down the following suggestions for a proper
bearing
in society, which may be found useful to the uninitiated.
The quality which a young man should
most affect
in intercourse with society is a decent modesty, but he must avoid at
the
same time all bashfulness or timidity. His flights must not go too far,
but so are as they go let them be marked by perfect assurance
and
coolness. Familiarity of manner is the greatest vice of society, and
when
our acquaintance finds himself entitled to say, "Allow me, my
dear
fellow," or any such phrase, cut him directly.
Never use the term genteel — it is
only to be found
in the mouths of those who have it nowhere else. Never enter your own
house
without bowing to any one you may meet there, and on no account before
strangers, grumble or find fault. A visit must always be returned; —
an
insult should never be overlooked.
The style of your conversation should
always be in
keeping with the character of the visit. You must not talk about
literature
on a vist [[visit]] of condolence, nor descant on political economy in
a visit of ceremony. If you go to a house where there are children, you
should take especial care to conciliate their good will by a little
manly tête-à-tête.
Never ask a lady any question about anything whatever, unless it be the
all-important one of "popping the question," which is the star of the
mind
and heart from seventeen to thirty-two. Punning is now decidedly out of
date. It is a silly and displeasing thing when it becomes a habit. Some
one has very appropriately styled it the wit of fools. Above all, never
take your hat into a drawing-room.
Your first duty at the table is to
attend to the
wants of the lady who sits next to you, the second to attend to your
own.
In performing the first, you should take care that the lady has all
that
she wishes, yet without appearing to direct your attention too much to
her plate, for nothing is more ill-bred than to watch a person eating.
If the lady be something of a gourmande, and in over-zealous
pursuit
of the aroma of the wind of a pigeon should raise an unmanageable
portion
to her mouth, you should cease all conversation with her and look
steadfastly
into the opposite part of the room.
If you have taken wine with every one
at the [column
2:] table, you must not attempt to libate aught but water
again
till the cloth is removed. The decanter is then sent round from the
head
of the table, when each person may fill his own glass. At dinner never
ask for ale or porter; it is a coarse mixture, and injures the taste of
wine. If you should happen to be blessed with those lovely nuisances,
children,
and should be entertaining company, never allow them to be brought in
after
dinner unless they are particularly asked for. Never talk politics at a
dinner-table nor in a drawing-room.
If you remove your hat, you need not
at the same
time bend the dorsal vertebræ of your body, unless you wish to be
very reverential, as in saluting a person of distinction. If you have
remarkably
fine teeth, you may smile affectionately upon the bowee without
speaking.
A lady should rarely take the arms of
two gentlemen,
one being upon either side; nor should a gentleman usually carry a lady
upon each arm. The latter of these iniquities is practiced only in
Vermont,
the former, perhaps, in Kamtschatka. There are, to be sure, some cases
in which it is necessary, for the protection of the ladies, that they
should
both take our arm — as in coming home from a concert, or in passing on
any occasion through a crowd.
If you have bad squinting eyes, which
have lost their
lashes and are bordered with red, you should wear spectacles; if the
defect
be great, your glasses should be colored. In such cases, emulate the
sky
rather than the sea. Green spectacles are an abomination, fitted only
for
students of divinity; blue ones are respectable and even distingué.
Almost every defect of face may be concealed by a judicious use and
arrangement
of hair. Take care, however, that your hair be not of one color and
your
whiskers of another; and let your wig, if you wear one, be large enough
to cover the whole of your real hair. On Sunday, never wear white
trousers,
light vest, white stockings or light-colored gloves, and studiously
avoid
on that day anything like display.
In a ball-room, lead your partner
through the dance
very gently, only touching her fingers, not grasping her hand. Dance
quietly
but gracefully, moving only your legs and feet, not your body to and
fro
like a pendulum. If you have no ear for music, or a false ear, never
dance
at all.
Fashion is so completely
distinguished from good-breeding
that it is often opposed to it. It is, in fact, a system of refined
vulgarity.
What, for example, can be more vulgar than incessantly talking about
forms
and customs? — about silver forks and French soups? A gentleman
follows [page
88:] these conventional habits, but follows them as
matters of course. If he sees a person who eats with his knife, he
concludes
that that person is ignorant of the usages of the world, but he does
not
shriek and faint away like a perfumed dandy. If he dines at a table
where
there are no silver forks, he eats his dinner in perfect propriety with
steel, and exhibits neither by manner or by speech that he perceives
any
error. To be sure, he forms his [column 2:] and
own
opinion about the condition of his entertainer, but he never presumes
to
harangue about such delinquencies.
By attending to these trifling
regulations, young
men on entering the world will be able to acquire the health of the
true
gentleman and a considerable insight into the knowledge of the anatomy
of refinement. |
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