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Fort
Moultrie, Charleston Hr
December 1rst
1828.
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Dear
Sir,
The
letter of
Lieut J. Howard left by Mr
John, O, Lay
[[sic]] for your perusal will
explain the cause of my writing from Fort Moultrie.
Your
note
addressed to Mr
Lay, &
inclosed by him to Lieut: Howard was handed over by the latter to
myself. In that note what chiefly gave me concern was hearing of your
indisposition — I can readily see & forgive the suggestion which
prompted you to write “he had better remain as he is until the
termination of his enlistment.” It was perhaps under the impression
that a military life was one
after my own heart, and that it might be possible (although contrary to
the Regulations of our Army) to obtain a commission for one who had not
received his education at West Point, & who, from his age, was
excluded that Academy; but I could not help thinking that you beleived
[[sic]] me degraded &
disgraced, and that any thing were preferable to my returning home
& entailing on yourself a portion of my infamy: But, at no period
of my life, have I regarded myself with a deeper Satisfaction — or did
my heart swell with more honourable pride — The time may come (if at
all it will come speedily) when much that appears of a doubtful nature
will be explained away, and I shall have no hesitation in appearing
among my former [page 2:]
connexions — at the present I have no such intention, and nothing,
short of your absolute commands, should deter me from my purpose.
I have
been
in the American army as long as suits my
ends or my inclination, and it is now time that I should leave it — To
this effect I made known my circumstances to Lieut Howard who promised
me my discharge solely upon a re-conciliation with yourself — In vain I
told him that your wishes for me (as your letters assured me) were, and
had always been those of a father & that you were ready to forgive
even the worst offences — He insisted upon my writing you & that if
a re-conciliation could be effected he would grant me my wish. This was
advised in the goodness of his heart & with a view of serving me in
a double sense — He has always been kind to me, and, in many respects,
reminds me forcibly of yourself.
The
period of
an Enlistment is five years — the
prime of my life would be wasted — I shall be driven to more decided
measures if you refuse to assist me.
You
need not fear for my future prosperity — I
am altered from what you knew me, & am no longer a boy tossing
about on the world without aim or consistency — I feel that within me
which will make me fulfil your highest wishes & only beg you to
suspend your judgement until you hear of
me again.
You
will
perceive that I speak confidently — but
when did [page 3:] ever
Ambition exist or Talent prosper without prior conviction of success? I
have thrown myself on the world, like the Norman conqueror on the
shores of Britain &, by my avowed assurance of victory, have
destroyed the fleet which could alone cover my retreat — I must either
conquer or die — succeed or be disgraced.
A
letter
addressed to Lieut: J. Howard assuring him
of your reconciliation with myself (which you have never yet refused)
& desiring my discharge would be all that is necessary — He is
already acquainted with you from report & the high character given
of you by Mr
Lay.
Write
me once
more if you do really forgive me [and]
let me know how my Ma preserves her health, and the concerns of the
family since my departure.
Pecuniary assistance I do not desire — unless
of your own free & unbiassed choice — I can struggle with any
difficulty. My dearest love to Ma — it is only when absent that we can
tell the value of such a friend — I hope she will not let my wayward
disposition wear away the love she used to have for me.
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Yours respectfully
&
affectionately
Edgar A. Poe
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P.S. We are now under
orders to
sail for Old Point Comfort, and will
arrive there before your answer can be received — Your address then
will be to Lieut: J. Howard, Fortress Monroe — the same for myself.
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