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Baltimore
July 26 — 1829 —
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Dear Pa,
I received yours of the 19th on the 22d ulto &
am truly thankful for the money which you sent me, notwithstanding the
taunt with which it was given “that men of genius ought not to apply to
your aid” — It is too often their necessity to want that little timely
assistance which would prevent such applications —
I did not answer your letter by return of mail on
account of my departure for Washington the next morning — but before I
proceed to tell the event of my application I think it my duty to say
something concerning the accusations & suspicions which are
contained in your letter —
As regards the substitute, the reason why I did not
tell you that it would cost $75 — was that I could not possibly foresee
so improbable >>an<< event — The bounty is $12 — &
<unless> but for the absence of Col: House & Lt Howard at the
time of my discharge it would have been all that I should have had to
pay — The officer commanding a company can (if he pleases) enlist the
first recruit who offers & muster him as a substitute for another,
of course paying only the bounty of 12 $ but as Lt Howard &
Col:
House were both absent, this arrangement could not be effected — As I
told you it would only cost me $12 I did not wish to make you think me
imposing upon you — so upon a substitute, offering for $75 — I gave him
$25 & gave him my note of hand for the balance — when you remitted
me $100 — thinking I had more than I should want. I thought it my best
opportunity of taking up my note — which I did. [page 2:]
If you will take into consideration the
length of time I have been from home, which was occasioned by my not
hearing from you (& I was unwilling to leave the city without your
answer, expecting it every day) & other expenses, you will find
that it has been impossible for me to enter into any extravagancies or
improper expense — even supposing I had not lost the $46 — the time
which intervened between my letter & your answer in the first
instance was 22 days — in the latter one month & 4 days — as I had
no reason to suppose you would not reply to my letter as I was
unconscious of having offended, it would have been imprudent to leave
without your answer — this expense was unavoidable —
As regards the money which was stolen I have sent
you the only proof in my possession a letter from Mosher — in which
there is an acknowledgement of the theft — I have no other. On
receiving your last letter, I went immediately to Washington, on foot,
& have returned the same way, having paid away $40 for my bill
& being unwilling to spend the balance when I might avoid it, until
I could see what prospects were in view — I saw Mr Eaton, he
addressed
me by name, & in reply to my questions told me — “that of the 47
surplus, on the roll, which I mentioned in my former letters, 19 were
rejected [9] dismissed & 8 resigned [”] — consequently there [page
3:] was yet a surplus of 10 before me on the roll. On asking for
my
papers of recommendation, which might be of service elsewhere — he told
me that in that case my application would be considered as withdrawn,
which he strongly advised me not to do — saying that there were still
hopes of my obtaining the appointment in Sepr as during the
encampment
every year there were numerous resignations — if the number exceeded 10
I should be sure of the appt without farther application in Sepr if not
I would at least be among the first on the next roll for the ensuing
year — when of course my appointment was certain — when I mentioned
that I feared my age would interfere he replied that 21 was the limit —
that many entered at that time — & that I might call myself 21
until I was 22 — On leaving the office he called me back to endorse on
my papers the name of my P. Office — I wrote Richmond. He said that I
should certainly hear from him & that >>he<< regretted
my useless trip to Washington — These are his precise words —
Having now explained every circumstance that seemed
to require an explanation & shown that I have spared no exertions
in the pursuit of my object. I write to you for information as to what
course I must pursue — I would have returned home immediately but for
the words [in] your letter “I am not particularly anxious to see you” —
I know not how to interpret them[.] [page
4:]
I could not help thinking that they
amounted to a prohibition to return — if I had any means of support
until I could obtain the appointment, I would not trouble you again — I
am conscious of having offended you formerly — greatly — but I thought
that had been forgiven.
at least you told me so —
I know that I have done nothing since to deserve
your displeasure —
[[space reserved
for address]]
As regards the poem, I have offended only in asking
your approbation — I can publish it upon the terms you mentioned — but
will have no more to do with it without your entire approbation — I
will wait with great anxiety for your answer — You must be aware how
important it is that I sh[ould] hear from you soon — as I do not know
how to ac[t.]
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I am Your’s
affectionately
Edgar A. [Poe]
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