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DESULTORY
NOTES ON
CATS. — Cats were first invented in the
garden
of Eden. According to the Rabbins, Eve had a pet cat, called Pusey, and
from that circumstance arose a sect of cat-worshippers among the
Eastern
nations, called Puseyites, a sect which, it is said, is still in
existence
somewhere. When rats began to be troublesome, Adam gave the first pair
of cats six lessons in the art of catching them; and since then the
knowledge
has been retained. The Greeks spelled cat with a k, and the
French
put an h into it; the pure English scholar will not heed such
ignorance,
but will keep to the right orthography. In the time of Chaucer,
cataract
was spelt caterect; but what analogy there is between a cat getting up
in the world and water falling down in it, it is difficult to say. The
introduction of the cat into cat-aplasm, cat-egory, &c., is
unauthorized;
it is without the knowledge or consent of the parties, and has no
meaning.
Cat-nip, on the contrary, has a signification; it bears the same
relation
to the animal economy of the cat that Pease's hoarhound candy does to
that
of the animal economy of man. It is mentioned that a gentleman in the
pursuit
of knowledge under difficulties, wishes to know what is the reason that
cats which have that within them which contains such divine melody,
should
make such execrable music themselves? The answer to this, perhaps, is
simple.
Cats are modest. They make no show of accomplishments. You never hear
of
a learned cat. Learned pigs, bears and dogs, who can tell what time of
day it is, and how many spectators are present (which last is easily
told,
to the sorrow of the showman,) are common. But who ever heard of a
learned
cat? A cat pretends to no knowledge, not even to that of the piano and
singing. If you kill her you may prepare a physical essence, so to
speak,
which, if stretched and relined, may have a divine effect. It is
probably
the departed spirit refined down to a single string, and making simple
melody, whereas, in the original, the strings were interlinked and
confused,
so that they produced necessarily discordant sounds; to say nothing of
their being vulgarly alive, and in a raw state of nature.
This explanation seems clear. A young
cat or
kitten
is graceful; her chief occupation is chasing her tail, but her tail
will
not stay chased. Very little children adore very little cats. But when
the children, if boys, grow bigger, and learn the humanities at school,
all about Draco, Alexander and Cæsar, they change towards cats,
and
kill them whenever sport prompts them to do so. Among the saws, is one
that persecution makes that thrive which it seeks to subdue. This is a
slight mistake. In the case of rats, which cats persecute, persecution
ever thins their numbers. It is only when persecution is half way, or
has
a spice of charity, that it does what the saw says. Not only in the
case
of rats, but of Indians, is this shown to be a false saw. The Indians
have
been persecuted with fire, whiskey and sword, and they are nearly
exterminated.
It is only when the cat is in love that she makes a fool of herself. It
is then, that, forgetting all other considerations in the fullness of
her
heart, the cat plays, unconsciously, the troubadour. (We apply the
feminine
gender and pronoun to cats, because all cats are she; in the same way
that
all sluts and mares are called he, a peculiar beauty of the English
language.)
The serenading cat makes a noise like an infant with the cholic, for
which
it is often mistaken. Both sexes of cats sport whiskers and moustaches;
whether the actual she cats will ever change the fashion, as it applies
to them, after it has so long prevailed, is doubtful. One of the
brightest
pages in English Annals, is the History of Whittington and his Cat. We
know a boy, who has a cat, and says he intends hereafter to be Mayor of
Philadelphia. Not the slightest objection to it. |
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