WILLIAM WILSON.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What say of it? what say of CONSCIENCE
grim,
That spectre in my path?
Chamberlayne's Pharronida. |
LET
me
call myself, for the present, William Wilson. The fair page now lying
before
me need not be sullied with my real appellation. This has been already
too much an object for the scorn — for the horror — for the detestation
of my race. To the uttermost regions of the globe have not the
indignant
winds bruited its unparalleled infamy? Oh, outcast of all outcasts most
abandoned! — to the earth art thou not forever dead? to its honors, to
its flowers, to its golden aspirations? — and a cloud, dense, dismal,
and limitless, does it not hang eternally between thy hopes and heaven?
I would not, if I
could, here or to-day, embody a
record of my later
years of unspeakable misery, and unpardonable crime. This epoch — these
later years — took unto themselves a sudden elevation in turpitude,
whose
origin alone it is my present purpose to assign. Men usually grow base
by degrees. From me, in an instant, all virtue dropped bodily as a
mantle.
From comparatively trivial wickedness I passed, with the stride of a
giant,
into more than the enormities of an Elah-Gabalus. What chance — what
one
event brought this evil thing to pass, bear with me while I relate.
Death
approaches; and the shadow which foreruns him has thrown a softening
influence
over my spirit. I long, in passing through the dim valley, for the
sympathy — I had nearly said for the pity — of my fellow men. I would
fain have
them believe that I have been, in some measure, the slave of
circumstances
beyond human control. I would wish them to seek out for me, in [page 418:] the details
I am about to give, some little oasis of fatality amid a wilderness of
error. I would have them allow — what they cannot refrain from allowing
— that, although temptation may have erewhile existed as great, man was
never thus, at least, tempted
before — certainly, never thus
fell. And
is it therefore that he has never thus suffered? Have I not indeed been
living in a dream? And am I not now dying a victim to the horror and
the
mystery of the wildest of all sublunary visions?
I am the descendant
of a race whose imaginative
and easily excitable
temperament has at all times rendered them remarkable; and, in my
earliest
infancy, I gave evidence of having fully inherited the family
character.
As I advanced in years it was more strongly developed; becoming, for
many
reasons, a cause of serious disquietude to my friends, and of positive
injury to myself. I grew self-willed, addicted to the wildest caprices,
and a prey to the most ungovernable passions. Weak-minded, and beset
with
constitutional infirmities akin to my own, my parents could do but
little
to check the evil propensities which distinguished me. Some feeble and
ill-directed efforts resulted in complete failure on their part, and,
of
course, in total triumph on mine. Thenceforward my voice was a
household
law; and at an age when few children have abandoned their
leading-strings,
I was left to the guidance of my own will, and became, in all but name,
the master of my own actions.
My earliest
recollections of a school-life, are
connected with a large,
rambling, Elizabethan house, in a misty-looking village of England,
where
were a vast number of gigantic and gnarled trees, and where all the
houses
were excessively ancient. In truth, it was a dream-like and
spirit-soothing
place, that venerable old town. At this moment, in fancy, I feel the
refreshing
chilliness of its deeply-shadowed avenues, inhale the fragrance of its
thousand shrubberies, and thrill anew with undefinable delight, at the
deep hollow note of the church-bell, breaking, each hour, with sullen
and
sudden roar, upon the stillness of the dusky atmosphere in which the
fretted
Gothic steeple lay imbedded and asleep.
It gives me, perhaps,
as much of pleasure as I
can now in any manner
experience, to dwell upon minute recollections of the [page 419:] school and its
concerns.
Steeped in misery as I am — misery, alas! only too real — I shall be
pardoned for seeking relief, however slight and temporary, in the
weakness
of a few rambling details. These, moreover, utterly trivial, and even
ridiculous
in themselves, assume, to my fancy, adventitious importance, as
connected
with a period and a locality when and where I recognise the first
ambiguous
monitions of the destiny which afterwards so fully overshadowed me. Let
me then remember.
The house, I have
said, was old and irregular.
The grounds were extensive,
and a high and solid brick wall, topped with a bed of mortar and broken
glass, encompassed the whole. This prison-like rampart formed the limit
of our domain; beyond it we saw but thrice a week — once every Saturday
afternoon, when, attended by two ushers, we were permitted to take
brief
walks in a body through some of the neighboring fields — and twice
during
Sunday, when we were paraded in the same formal manner to the morning
and
evening service in the one church of the village. Of this church the
principal
of our school was pastor. With how deep a spirit of wonder and
perplexity
was I wont to regard him from our remote pew in the gallery, as, with
step
solemn and slow, he ascended the pulpit! This reverend man, with
countenance
so demurely benign, with robes so glossy and so clerically flowing,
with
wig so minutely powdered, so rigid and so vast, — could this be he
who,
of late, with sour visage, and in snuffy habiliments, administered,
ferule
in hand, the Draconian Laws of the academy? Oh, gigantic paradox, too
utterly
monstrous for solution!
At an angle of the
ponderous wall frowned a more
ponderous gate. It
was riveted and studded with iron bolts, and surmounted with jagged
iron
spikes. What impressions of deep awe did it inspire! It was never
opened
save for the three periodical egressions and ingressions already
mentioned;
then, in every creak of its mighty hinges, we found a plenitude of
mystery — a world of matter for solemn remark, or for more solemn
meditation.
The extensive
enclosure was irregular in form,
having many capacious
recesses. Of these, three or four of the largest constituted the
play-ground.
It was level, and covered with fine hard gravel. I well remember it had
no trees, nor benches, nor any [page
420:] thing similar within it. Of course it was
in the rear of the house. In front lay a small parterre, planted with
box
and other shrubs; but through this sacred division we passed only upon
rare occasions indeed — such as a first advent to school or final
departure
thence, or perhaps, when a parent or friend having called for us, we
joyfully
took our way home for the Christmas or Midsummer holy-days.
But the house! — how
quaint an old building was
this! — to me how
veritably a palace of enchantment! There was really no end to its
windings — to its incomprehensible subdivisions. It was difficult, at
any given
time, to say with certainty upon which of its two stories one happened
to be. From each room to every other there were sure to be found three
or four steps either in ascent or descent. Then the lateral branches
were
innumerable — inconceivable — and so returning in upon themselves, that
our most exact ideas in regard to the whole mansion were not very far
different
from those with which we pondered upon infinity. During the five years
of my residence here, I was never able to ascertain with precision, in
what remote locality lay the little sleeping apartment assigned to
myself
and some eighteen or twenty other scholars.
The school-room was
the largest in the house — I
could not help thinking,
in the world. It was very long, narrow, and dismally low, with pointed
Gothic windows and a ceiling of oak. In a remote and terror-inspiring
angle
was a square enclosure of eight or ten feet, comprising the sanctum,
"during
hours," of our principal, the Reverend Dr. Bransby. It was a solid
structure,
with massy door, sooner than open which in the absence of the
"Dominie,"
we would all have willingly perished by the peine forte et dure. In
other
angles were two other similar boxes, far less reverenced, indeed, but
still
greatly matters of awe. One of these was the pulpit of the "classical"
usher, one of the "English and mathematical." Interspersed about the
room,
crossing and recrossing in endless irregularity, were innumerable
benches
and desks, black, ancient, and time-worn, piled desperately with
much-bethumbed
books, and so beseamed with initial letters, names at full length,
grotesque
figures, and other multiplied efforts of the knife, as to have entirely
lost what little of original form might [page 421:] have been their portion
in days
long departed. A huge bucket with water stood at one extremity of the
room,
and a clock of stupendous dimensions at the other.
Encompassed by the
massy walls of this venerable
academy, I passed,
yet not in tedium or disgust, the years of the third lustrum of my
life.
The teeming brain of childhood requires no external world of incident
to
occupy or amuse it; and the apparently dismal monotony of a school was
replete with more intense excitement than my riper youth has derived
from
luxury, or my full manhood from crime. Yet I must believe that my first
mental development had in it much of the uncommon — even much of the outre.
Upon mankind at large the events of very early existence rarely leave
in
mature age any definite impression. All is gray shadow — a weak and
irregular
remembrance — an indistinct regathering of feeble pleasures and
phantasmagoric
pains. With me this is not so. In childhood I must have felt with the
energy
of a man what I now find stamped upon memory in lines as vivid, as
deep,
and as durable as the exergues
of the Carthaginian medals.
Yet in fact — in the
fact of the world's view —
how little was there
to remember! The morning's awakening, the nightly summons to bed; the
connings,
the recitations; the periodical half-holidays, and perambulations; the
play-ground, with its broils, its pastimes, its intrigues; — these, by
a mental sorcery long forgotten, were made to involve a wilderness of
sensation,
a world of rich incident, an universe of varied emotion, of excitement
the most passionate and spirit-stirring. "Oh, le bon temps, que ce
siecle
de fer!"
In truth, the ardor,
the enthusiasm, and the
imperiousness of my disposition,
soon rendered me a marked character among my schoolmates, and by slow,
but natural gradations, gave me an ascendancy over all not greatly
older
than myself; — over all with a single exception. This exception was
found
in the person of a scholar, who, although no relation, bore the same
Christian
and surname as myself; — a circumstance, in fact, little remarkable;
for,
notwithstanding a noble descent, mine was one of those everyday
appellations
which seem, by prescriptive right, to have been, time out of mind, the
common property of the mob. In this narrative [page 422:] I have therefore
designated
myself as William Wilson, — a fictitious title not very dissimilar to
the real. My namesake alone, of those who in school-phraseology
constituted
"our set," presumed to compete with me in the studies of the class — in
the sports and broils of the play-ground — to refuse implicit belief in
my assertions, and submission to my will — indeed, to interfere with my
arbitrary dictation in any respect whatsoever. If there is on earth a
supreme
and unqualified despotism, it is the despotism of a master-mind in
boyhood
over the less energetic spirits of its companions.
Wilson's rebellion
was to me a source of the
greatest embarrassment; the more so as, in spite of the bravado with
which in public I made
a point of treating him and his pretensions, I secretly felt that I
feared
him, and could not help thinking the equality which he maintained so
easily
with myself, a proof of his true superiority; since not to be overcome
cost me a perpetual struggle. Yet this superiority — even this equality
— was in truth acknowledged by no one but myself; our associates, by
some
unaccountable blindness, seemed not even to suspect it. Indeed, his
competition,
his resistance, and especially his impertinent and dogged interference
with my purposes, were not more pointed than private. He appeared to be
destitute alike of the ambition which urged, and of the passionate
energy
of mind which enabled me to excel. In his rivalry he might have been
supposed
actuated solely by a whimsical desire to thwart, astonish, or mortify
myself;
although there were times when I could not help observing, with a
feeling
made up of wonder, abasement, and pique, that he mingled with his
injuries,
his insults, or his contradictions, a certain most inappropriate, and
assuredly
most unwelcome affectionateness
of manner. I could only conceive this
singular
behavior to arise from a consummate self-conceit assuming the vulgar
airs
of patronage and protection.
Perhaps it was this
latter trait in Wilson's
conduct, conjoined with
our identity of name, and the mere accident of our having entered the
school
upon the same day, which set afloat the notion that we were brothers,
among
the senior classes in the academy. These do not usually inquire with
much
strictness into the affairs of their juniors. I have before said, or
should
have said, that [page 423:] Wilson
was not, in the most remote degree, connected with
my family. But assuredly if we had
been brothers we must have been
twins;
for, after leaving Dr. Bransby's, I casually learned that my namesake
was
born on the nineteenth of January, 1813 — and this is a somewhat
remarkable
coincidence; for the day is precisely that of my own nativity.
It may seem strange
that in spite of the
continual anxiety occasioned
me by the rivalry of Wilson, and his intolerable spirit of
contradiction,
I could not bring myself to hate him altogether. We had, to be sure,
nearly
every day a quarrel in which, yielding me publicly the palm of victory,
he, in some manner, contrived to make me feel that it was he who had
deserved
it; yet a sense of pride on my part, and a veritable dignity on his
own,
kept us always upon what are called "speaking terms," while there were
many points of strong congeniality in our tempers, operating to awake
in me a sentiment which our position alone, perhaps, prevented from
ripening
into friendship. It is difficult, indeed, to define, or even to
describe,
my real feelings towards him. They formed a motley and heterogeneous
admixture; — some petulant animosity, which was not yet hatred, some
esteem, more
respect, much fear, with a world of uneasy curiosity. To the moralist
it
will be unnecessary to say, in addition, that Wilson and myself were
the
most inseparable of companions.
It was no doubt the
anomalous state of affairs
existing between us,
which turned all my attacks upon him, (and they were many, either open
or covert) into the channel of banter or practical joke (giving pain
while
assuming the aspect of mere fun) rather than into a more serious and
determined
hostility. But my endeavours on this head were by no means uniformly
successful,
even when my plans were the most wittily concocted; for my namesake had
much about him, in character, of that unassuming and quiet austerity
which,
while enjoying the poignancy of its own jokes, has no heel of Achilles
in itself, and absolutely refuses to be laughed at. I could find,
indeed,
but one vulnerable point, and that, lying in a personal peculiarity,
arising,
perhaps, from constitutional disease, would have been spared by any
antagonist
less at his wit's end than myself; — my rival had a weakness in the
faucial
or guttural organs, which precluded him from raising his voice at any [page 424:] time above a very low whisper.
Of
this defect I did not fall to take what poor
advantage lay in my power.
Wilson's retaliations
in kind were many; and
there was one form of his
practical wit that disturbed me beyond measure. How his sagacity first
discovered at all that so petty a thing would vex me, is a question I
never
could solve; but, having discovered, he habitually practised the
annoyance.
I had always felt aversion to my uncourtly patronymic, and its very
common,
if not plebeian prænomen. The words were venom in my ears; and
when,
upon
the day of my arrival, a second William Wilson came also to the
academy,
I felt angry with him for bearing the name, and doubly disgusted with
the
name because a stranger bore it, who would be the cause of its twofold
repetition, who would be constantly in my presence, and whose concerns,
in the ordinary routine of the school business, must inevitably, on
account
of the detestable coincidence, be often confounded with my own.
The feeling of
vexation thus engendered grew
stronger with every circumstance
tending to show resemblance, moral or physical, between my rival and
myself.
I had not then discovered the remarkable fact that we were of the same
age; but I saw that we were of the same height, and I perceived that we
were even singularly alike in general contour of person and outline of
feature. I was galled, too, by the rumor touching a relationship, which
had grown current in the upper forms. In a word, nothing could more
seriously
disturb me, although I scrupulously concealed such disturbance,) than
any
allusion to a similarity of mind, person, or condition existing between
us. But, in truth, I had no reason to believe that (with the exception
of the matter of relationship, and in the case of Wilson himself,) this
similarity had ever been made a subject of comment, or even observed at
all by our schoolfellows. That he
observed it in all its bearings, and
as fixedly as I, was apparent; but that he could discover in such
circumstances
so fruitful a field of annoyance, can only be attributed, as I said
before,
to his more than ordinary penetration.
His cue, which was to
perfect an imitation of
myself, lay both in words
and in actions; and most admirably did he play his part. My dress it
was
an easy matter to copy; my gait and general manner were, without
difficulty,
appropriated; in spite of his constitutional [page 425:] defect, even my voice
did
not escape him. My louder tones were, of course, unattempted, but then
the key, it was identical; and his
singular whisper, it grew the very
echo
of my own.
How greatly this most
exquisite portraiture
harassed me, (for it could
not justly be termed a caricature,) I will not now venture to describe.
I had but one consolation — in the fact that the imitation, apparently,
was noticed by myself alone, and that I had to endure only the knowing
and strangely sarcastic smiles of my namesake himself. Satisfied with
having
produced in my bosom the intended effect, he seemed to chuckle in
secret
over the sting he had inflicted, and was characteristically
disregardful
of the public applause which the success of his witty endeavours might
have so easily elicited. That the school, indeed, did not feel his
design,
perceive its accomplishment, and participate in his sneer, was, for
many
anxious months, a riddle I could not resolve. Perhaps the gradation of
his copy rendered it not so readily perceptible; or, more possibly, I
owed
my security to the masterly air of the copyist, who, disdaining the
letter,
(which in a painting is all the obtuse can see,) gave but the full
spirit
of his original for my individual contemplation and chagrin.
I have already more
than once spoken of the
disgusting air of patronage
which he assumed toward me, and of his frequent officious interference
with my will. This interference often took the ungracious character of
advice; advice not openly given, but hinted or insinuated. I received
it
with a repugnance which gained strength as I grew in years. Yet, at
this
distant day, let me do him the simple justice to acknowledge that I can
recall no occasion when the suggestions of my rival were on the side of
those errors or follies so usual to his immature age and seeming
inexperience;
that his moral sense, at least, if not his general talents and worldly
wisdom, was far keener than my own; and that I might, to-day, have been
a better, and thus a happier man, had I less frequently rejected the
counsels
embodied in those meaning whispers which I then but too cordially hated
and too bitterly despised.
As it was, I at
length grew restive in the
extreme under his distasteful
supervision, and daily resented more and more openly what I considered
his intolerable arrogance. I have said that, in the first years of our
connexion as schoolmates, my feelings in regard to [page 426:] him might have been
easily ripened into friendship: but, in the latter months of my
residence
at the academy, although the intrusion of his ordinary manner had,
beyond
doubt, in some measure, abated, my sentiments, in nearly similar
proportion,
partook very much of positive hatred. Upon one occasion he saw this, I
think, and afterwards avoided, or made a show of avoiding me.
It was about the same
period, if I remember
aright, that, in an altercation
of violence with him, in which he was more than usually thrown off his
guard, and spoke and acted with an openness of demeanor rather foreign
to his nature, I discovered, or fancied I discovered, in his accent,
his
air, and general appearance, a something which first startled, and then
deeply interested me, by bringing to mind dim visions of my earliest
infancy — wild, confused and thronging memories of a time when memory
herself
was yet unborn. I cannot better describe the sensation which oppressed
me than by saying that I could with difficulty shake off the belief of
my having been acquainted with the being who stood before me, at some
epoch
very long ago — some point of the past even infinitely remote. The
delusion,
however, faded rapidly as it came; and I mention it at all but to
define
the day of the last conversation I there held with my singular
namesake.
The huge old house,
with its countless
subdivisions, had several large
chambers communicating with each other, where slept the greater number
of the students. There were, however, (as must necessarily happen in a
building so awkwardly planned,) many little nooks or recesses, the odds
and ends of the structure; and these the economic ingenuity of Dr.
Bransby
had also fitted up as dormitories; although, being the merest closets,
they were capable of accommodating but a single individual. One of
these
small apartments was occupied by Wilson.
One night, about the
close of my fifth year at
the school, and immediately
after the altercation just mentioned, finding every one wrapped in
sleep,
I arose from bed, and, lamp in hand, stole through a wilderness of
narrow
passages from my own bedroom to that of my rival. I had long been
plotting
one of those ill-natured pieces of practical wit at his expense in
which
I had hitherto been so uniformly unsuccessful. It was my intention,
now,
to put my scheme in operation, and I resolved to make him [page 427:] feel the whole
extent of the malice with which I was imbued. Having reached his
closet,
I noiselessly entered, leaving the lamp, with a shade over it, on the
outside.
I advanced a step, and listened to the sound of his tranquil breathing.
Assured of his being asleep, I returned, took the light, and with it
again
approached the bed. Close curtains were around it, which, in the
prosecution
of my plan, I slowly and quietly withdrew, when the bright rays fell
vividly
upon the sleeper, and my eyes, at the same moment, upon his
countenance.
I looked; — and a numbness, an iciness of feeling instantly pervaded my
frame. My breast heaved, my knees tottered, my whole spirit became
possessed
with an objectless yet intolerable horror. Gasping for breath, I
lowered
the lamp in still nearer proximity to the face. Were these — these the
lineaments of William Wilson? I saw, indeed, that they were his, but I
shook as if with a fit of the ague in fancying they were not. What was
there about them to confound me in this manner? I gazed; — while my
brain
reeled with a multitude of incoherent thoughts. Not thus he appeared —
assuredly not thus — in the vivacity of his waking hours. The same
name!
the same contour of person! the same day of arrival at the academy! And
then his dogged and meaningless imitation of my gait, my voice, my
habits,
and my manner! Was it, in truth, within the bounds of human
possibility,
that what I now saw was the result, merely, of the habitual practice of
this sarcastic imitation? Awe-stricken, and with a creeping shudder, I
extinguished the lamp, passed silently from the chamber, and left, at
once,
the halls of that old academy, never to enter them again.
After a lapse of some
months, spent at home in
mere idleness, I found
myself a student at Eton. The brief interval had been sufficient to
enfeeble
my remembrance of the events at Dr. Bransby's, or at least to effect a
material change in the nature of the feelings with which I remembered
them.
The truth — the tragedy — of the drama was no more. I could now find
room to doubt the evidence of my senses; and seldom called up the
subject
at all but with wonder at extent of human credulity, and a smile at the
vivid force of the imagination which I hereditarily possessed. Neither
was this species of scepticism likely to be diminished by the character
of the life I led at Eton. The vortex of thoughtless [page 428:] folly into which I
there so immediately and so recklessly plunged, washed away all but the
froth of my past hours, ingulfed at once every solid or serious
impression,
and left to memory only the veriest levities of a former existence.
I do not wish,
however, to trace the course of my
miserable profligacy
here — a profligacy which set at defiance the laws, while it eluded the
vigilance of the institution. Three years of folly, passed without
profit,
had but given me rooted habits of vice, and added, in a somewhat
unusual
degree, to my bodily stature, when, after a week of soulless
dissipation,
I invited a small party of the most dissolute students to a secret
carousal
in my chambers. We met at a late hour of the night; for our
debaucheries
were to be faithfully protracted until morning. The wine flowed freely,
and there were not wanting other and perhaps more dangerous seductions;
so that the gray dawn had already faintly appeared in the east, while
our
delirious extravagance was at its height. Madly flushed with cards and
intoxication, I was in the act of insisting upon a toast of more than
wonted
profanity, when my attention was suddenly diverted by the violent,
although
partial unclosing of the door of the apartment, and by the eager voice
of a servant from without. He said that some person, apparently in
great
haste, demanded to speak with me in the hall.
Wildly excited with
wine, the unexpected
interruption rather delighted
than surprised me. I staggered forward at once, and a few steps brought
me to the vestibule of the building. In this low and small room there
hung
no lamp; and now no light at all was admitted, save that of the
exceedingly
feeble dawn which made its way through the semi-circular window. As I
put
my foot over the threshold, I became aware of the figure of a youth
about
my own height, and habited in a white kerseymere morning frock, cut in
the novel fashion of the one I myself wore at the moment. This the
faint
light enabled me to perceive; but the features of his face I could not
distinguish. Upon my entering, he strode hurriedly up to me, and,
seizing
me by. the arm with a gesture of petulant impatience, whispered the
words
"William Wilson!" in my ear.
I grew perfectly
sober in an instant.
There was that in the
manner of
the stranger, and in the tremulous [page
429:] shake of his uplifted finger, as he
held it between my eyes and the light, which filled me with unqualified
amazement; but it was not this which had so violently moved me. It was
the pregnancy of solemn admonition in the singular, low, hissing
utterance;
and, above all, it was the character, the tone, the key, of those few,
simple, and familiar, yet whispered
syllables, which came with a
thousand
thronging memories of bygone days, and struck upon my soul with the
shock
of a galvanic battery. Ere I could recover the use of my senses he was
gone.
Although this event
failed not of a vivid effect
upon my disordered
imagination, yet was it evanescent as vivid. For some weeks, indeed, I
busied myself in earnest inquiry, or was wrapped in a cloud of morbid
speculation.
I did not pretend to disguise from my perception the identity of the
singular
individual who thus perseveringly interfered with my affairs, and
harassed
me with his insinuated counsel. But who and what was this Wilson? — and
whence came he? — and what were his purposes? Upon neither of these
points
could I be satisfied — merely ascertaining, in regard to him, that a
sudden
accident in his family had caused his removal from Dr. Bransby's
academy
on the afternoon of the day in which I myself had eloped. But in a
brief
period I ceased to think upon the subject, my attention being all
absorbed
in a contemplated departure for Oxford. Thither I soon went; the
uncalculating
vanity of my parents furnishing me with an outfit and annual
establishment,
which would enable me to indulge at will in the luxury already so dear
to my heart — to vie in profuseness of expenditure with the haughtiest
heirs of the wealthiest earldoms in Great Britain.
Excited by such
appliances to vice, my
constitutional temperament broke
forth with redoubled ardor, and I spurned even the common restraints of
decency in the mad infatuation of my revels. But it were absurd to
pause
in the detail of my extravagance. Let it suffice, that among
spendthrifts
I out-Heroded Herod, and that, giving name to a multitude of novel
follies,
I added no brief appendix to the long catalogue of vices then usual in
the most dissolute university of Europe.
It could hardly be
credited, however, that I had,
even here, so utterly
fallen from the gentlemanly estate, as to seek acquaintance [page 430:] with the vilest
arts of the gambler by profession, and, having become an adept in his
despicable
science, to practise it habitually as a means of increasing my already
enormous income at the expense of the weak-minded among my
fellow-collegians.
Such, nevertheless, was the fact. And the very enormity of this offence
against all manly and honorable sentiment proved, beyond doubt, the
main
if not the sole reason of the impunity with which it was committed.
Who,
indeed, among my most abandoned associates, would not rather have
disputed
the clearest evidence of his senses, than have suspected of such
courses,
the gay, the frank, the generous William Wilson — the noblest and most
liberal commoner at Oxford — him whose follies (said his parasites)
were but
the
follies of youth and unbridled fancy — whose errors but inimitable whim
— whose darkest vice but a careless and dashing extravagance?
I had been now two
years successfully busied in
this way, when there
came to the university a young parvenu
nobleman, Glendinning — rich,
said
report, as Herodes Atticus — his riches, too, as easily acquired. I
soon
found him of weak intellect, and, of course, marked him as a fitting
subject
for my skill. I frequently engaged him in play, and contrived, with the
gambler's usual art, to let him win considerable sums, the more
effectually
to entangle him in my snares. At length, my schemes being ripe, I met
him
(with the full intention that this meeting should be final and
decisive)
at the chambers of a fellow-commoner, (Mr. Preston,) equally intimate
with
both, but who, to do him justice, entertained not even a remote
suspicion
of my design. To give to this a better coloring, I had contrived to
have
assembled a party of some eight or ten, and was solicitously careful
that
the introduction of cards should appear accidental, and originate in
the
proposal of my contemplated dupe himself. To be brief upon a vile
topic,
none of the low finesse was omitted, so customary upon similar
occasions
that it is a just matter for wonder how any are still found so besotted
as to fall its victim.
We had protracted our
sitting far into the night,
and I had at length
effected the manœuvre of getting Glendinning as my sole antagonist.
The
game, too, was my favorite ecarte.
The rest of the company, interested
in the extent of our play, had abandoned their own cards, and were
standing
around us as spectators. The [page
431:] parvenu, who had
been induced by my artifices
in the early part of the evening, to drink deeply, now shuffled, dealt,
or played, with a wild nervousness of manner for which his
intoxication,
I thought, might partially, but could not altogether account. In a very
short period he had become my debtor to a large amount, when, having
taken
a long draught of port, he did precisely what I had been coolly
anticipating — he proposed to double our already extravagant stakes.
With a well-feigned
show of reluctance, and not until after my repeated refusal had seduced
him into some angry words which gave a color of pique to my compliance,
did I finally comply. The result, of course, did but prove how entirely
the prey was in my toils; in less than an hour he had quadrupled his
debt.
For some time his countenance had been losing the florid tinge lent it
by the wine; but now, to my astonishment, I perceived that it had grown
to a pallor truly fearful. I say, to my astonishment. Glendinning had
been
represented to my eager inquiries as immeasurably wealthy; and the sums
which he had as yet lost, although in themselves vast, could not, I
supposed,
very seriously annoy, much less so violently affect him. That he was
overcome
by the wine just swallowed, was the idea which most readily presented
itself;
and, rather with a view to the preservation of my own character in the
eyes of my associates, than from any less interested motive, I was
about
to insist, peremptorily, upon a discontinuance of the play, when some
expressions
at my elbow from among the company, and an ejaculation evincing utter
despair
on the part of Glendinning, gave me to understand that I had effected
his
total ruin under circumstances which, rendering him an object for the
pity
of all, should have protected him from the ill offices even of a fiend.
What now might have
been my conduct it is
difficult to say. The pitiable
condition of my dupe had thrown an air of embarrassed gloom over all;
and,
for some moments, a profound silence was maintained, during which I
could
not help feeling my cheeks tingle with the many burning glances of
scorn
or reproach cast upon me by the less abandoned of the party. I will
even
own that an intolerable weight of anxiety was for a brief instant
lifted
from my bosom by the sudden and extraordinary interruption which
ensued.
The wide, heavy folding doors of the apartment were all at once [page 432:] thrown
open, to their full extent, with a vigorous and rushing impetuosity
that
extinguished, as if by magic, every candle in the room. Their light, in
dying, enabled us just to perceive that a stranger had entered, about
my
own height, and closely muffled in a cloak. The darkness, however, was
now total; and we could only feel
that he was standing in our midst.
Before
any one of us could recover from the extreme astonishment into which
this
rudeness had thrown all, we heard the voice of the intruder.
"Gentlemen," he said,
in a low, distinct, and
never-to-be-forgotten whisper
which
thrilled to the
very marrow of my bones, "Gentlemen, I
make
no apology for this behaviour, because in thus behaving, I am but
fulfilling
a duty. You are, beyond doubt, uninformed of the true character of the
person who has to-night won at ecarte
a large sum of money from Lord
Glendinning.
I will therefore put you upon an expeditious and decisive plan of
obtaining
this very necessary information. Please to examine, at your leisure,
the
inner linings of the cuff of his left sleeve, and the several little
packages
which may be found in the somewhat capacious pockets of his embroidered
morning wrapper."
While he spoke, so
profound was the stillness
that one might have heard
a pin drop upon the floor. In ceasing, he departed at once, and as
abruptly
as he had entered. Can I — shall I describe my sensations? Must I say
that I felt all the horrors of the damned? Most assuredly I had little
time given for reflection. Many hands roughly seized me upon the spot,
and lights were immediately re-procured. A search ensued. In the lining
of my sleeve were found all the court cards essential in ecarte, and,
in
the pockets of my wrapper, a number of packs, fac-similes of those used
at our sittings, with the single exception that mine were of the
species
called, technically, arrondees;
the honors being slightly convex at
the
ends, the lower cards slightly convex at the sides. In this
disposition,
the dupe who cuts, as customary, at the length of the pack, will
invariably
find that he cuts his antagonist an honor; while the gambler, cutting
at
the breadth, will, as certainly, cut nothing for his victim which may
count
in the records of the game.
Any burst of
indignation upon this discovery
would have affected me
less than the silent contempt, or the sarcastic composure, with which
it
was received. [page 433:]
"Mr. Wilson," said
our host, stooping to remove
from beneath his feet
an exceedingly luxurious cloak of rare furs, "Mr. Wilson, this is your
property." (The weather was cold; and, upon quitting my own room, I had
thrown a cloak over my dressing wrapper, putting it off upon reaching
the
scene of play.) "I presume it is supererogatory to seek here (eyeing
the
folds of the garment with a bitter smile) for any farther evidence of
your
skill. Indeed, we have had enough. You will see the necessity, I hope,
of quitting Oxford — at all events, of quitting instantly my chambers."
Abased, humbled to
the dust as I then was, it is
probable that I should
have resented this galling language by immediate personal violence, had
not my whole attention been at the moment arrested by a fact of the
most
startling character. The cloak which I had worn was of a rare
description
of fur; how rare, how extravagantly costly, I shall not venture to say.
Its fashion, too, was of my own fantastic invention; for I was
fastidious
to an absurd degree of coxcombry, in matters of this frivolous nature.
When, therefore, Mr. Preston reached me that which he had picked up
upon
the floor, and near the folding-doors of the apartment, it was with an
astonishment nearly bordering upon terror, that I perceived my own
already
hanging on my arm, (where I had no doubt unwittingly placed it,) and
that
the one presented me was but its exact counterpart in every, in even
the
minutest possible particular. The singular being who had so
disastrously
exposed me, had been muffled, I remembered, in a cloak; and none had
been
worn at all by any of the members of our party with the exception of
myself.
Retaining some presence of mind, I took the one offered me by Preston;
placed it, unnoticed, over my own; left the apartment with a resolute
scowl
of defiance; and, next morning ere dawn of day, commenced a hurried
journey
from Oxford to the continent, in a perfect agony of horror and of
shame.
I fled in vain.
My evil destiny pursued me as if in exultation, and
proved, indeed, that the exercise of its mysterious dominion had as yet
only begun. Scarcely had I set foot in Paris ere I had fresh evidence
of
the detestable interest taken by this Wilson in my concerns. Years
flew,
while I experienced no relief. Villain! — at Rome, with how untimely,
yet with how spectral an officiousness, stepped he in between me and my
ambition! At [page 434:] Vienna,
too — at Berlin — and at Moscow! Where, in truth,
had I not bitter cause to
curse him within my heart? From his
inscrutable
tyranny did I at length flee, panic-stricken, as from a pestilence; and
to the very ends of the earth I fled
in vain.
And again, and again,
in secret communion with my
own spirit, would
I demand the questions "Who is he? — whence came he? — and what are his
objects?" But no answer was there found. And now I scrutinized, with a
minute scrutiny, the forms, and the methods, and the leading traits of
his impertinent supervision. But even here there was very little upon
which
to base a conjecture. It was noticeable, indeed, that, in no one of the
multiplied instances in which he had of late crossed my path, had he so
crossed it except to frustrate those schemes, or to disturb those
actions,
which, if fully carried out, might have resulted in bitter mischief.
Poor
justification this, in truth, for an authority so imperiously assumed!
Poor indemnity for natural rights of self-agency so pertinaciously, so
insultingly denied!
I had also been
forced to notice that my
tormentor, for a very long
period of time, (while scrupulously and with miraculous dexterity
maintaining
his whim of an identity of apparel with myself,) had so contrived it,
in
the execution of his varied interference with my will, that I saw not,
at any moment, the features of his face. Be Wilson what he might, this,
at least, was but the veriest of affectation, or of folly. Could he,
for
an instant, have supposed that, in my admonisher at Eton — in the
destroyer
of my honor at Oxford, — in him who thwarted my ambition at Rome, my
revenge
at Paris, my passionate love at Naples, or what he falsely termed my
avarice
in Egypt, — that in this, my arch-enemy and evil genius, could fall to
recognise the William Wilson of my school-boy days, — the namesake, the
companion, the rival, — the hated and dreaded rival at Dr. Bransby's?
Impossible! — But let me hasten to the last eventful scene of the
drama.
Thus far I had
succumbed supinely to this
imperious domination. The
sentiment of deep awe with which I habitually regarded the elevated
character,
the majestic wisdom, the apparent omnipresence and omnipotence of
Wilson,
added to a feeling of even terror, with which certain other traits in
his
nature and assumptions inspired me, had operated, hitherto, to impress
me with an [page 435:] idea
of my own utter weakness and helplessness, and to suggest
an implicit, although bitterly reluctant submission to his arbitrary
will.
But, of late days, I had given myself up entirely to wine; and its
maddening
influence upon my hereditary temper rendered me more and more impatient
of control. I began to murmur, — to hesitate, — to resist. And was it
only fancy which induced me to believe that, with the increase of my
own
firmness, that of my tormentor underwent a proportional diminution? Be
this as it may, I now began to feel the inspiration of a burning hope,
and at length nurtured in my secret thoughts a stern and desperate
resolution
that I would submit no longer to be enslaved.
It was at Rome,
during the Carnival of 18—,
that I attended a masquerade
in the palazzo of the Neapolitan Duke Di Broglio. I had indulged more
freely
than usual in the excesses of the wine-table; and now the suffocating
atmosphere
of the crowded rooms irritated me beyond endurance. The difficulty,
too,
of forcing my way through the mazes of the company contributed not a
little
to the ruffling of my temper; for I was anxiously seeking, (let me not
say with what unworthy motive) the young, the gay, the beautiful wife
of
the aged and doting Di Broglio. With a too unscrupulous confidence she
had previously communicated to me the secret of the costume in which
she
would be habited, and now, having caught a glimpse of her person, I was
hurrying to make my way into her presence. At this moment I felt a
light
hand placed upon my shoulder, and that ever-remembered, low, damnable whisper
within my ear.
In an absolute frenzy
of wrath, I turned at once
upon him who had thus
interrupted me, and seized him violently by the collar. He was
attired,
as I had expected, in a costume altogether similar to my own; wearing a
Spanish cloak of blue velvet, begirt about the waist with a crimson
belt
sustaining a rapier. A mask of black silk entirely covered his face.
"Scoundrel!" I said,
in a voice husky with rage,
while every syllable
I uttered seemed as new fuel to my fury; "scoundrel! impostor! accursed
villain! you shall not — you shall
not dog me unto death! Follow me, or
I stab you where you stand!" — and I broke my way from the ball-room
into
a small ante-chamber adjoining — dragging him unresistingly with me as
I went. [page 436:]
Upon entering, I
thrust him furiously from me. He
staggered against
the wall, while I closed the door with an oath, and commanded him to
draw.
He hesitated but for an instant; then, with a slight sigh, drew in
silence,
and put himself upon his defence.
The contest was brief
indeed. I was frantic with
every species of wild
excitement, and felt within my single arm the energy and power of a
multitude.
In a few seconds I forced him by sheer strength against the
wainscoting,
and thus, getting him at mercy, plunged my sword, with brute ferocity,
repeatedly through and through his bosom.
At that instant some
person tried the latch of
the door. I hastened
to prevent an intrusion, and then immediately returned to my dying
antagonist.
But what human language can adequately portray that astonishment, that
horror which possessed me at the spectacle then presented to view? The
brief moment in which I averted my eyes had been sufficient to produce,
apparently, a material change in the arrangements at the upper or
farther
end of the room. A large mirror, — so at first it seemed to me in my
confusion — now stood where none had been perceptible before; and, as I
stepped
up to it in extremity of terror, mine own image, but with features all
pale and dabbled in blood, advanced to meet me with a feeble and
tottering
gait.
Thus it appeared, I
say, but was not. It was my
antagonist — it was
Wilson, who then stood before me in the agonies of his dissolution. His
mask and cloak lay, where he had thrown them, upon the floor. Not a
thread
in all his raiment — not a line in all the marked and singular
lineaments
of his face which was not, even in the most absolute identity, mine own!
It was Wilson; but he
spoke no longer in a
whisper, and I could have
fancied that I myself was speaking while he said:
"You have
conquered, and I yield. Yet, henceforward art thou also dead — dead to
the World, to Heaven and to Hope! In me didst thou exist —
and, in my death, see by this image, which is thine own, how utterly
thou
hast murdered thyself."